Cabin: (n) a small shelter or house, made of wood and situated in a remote area.
The human brain is not spacious.
Matter of fact, it’s pretty cramped.
That’s the way it was with my dad.
My dad never got a chance to find out if he was a good man or a bad man because he was surrounded by men just like him. Therefore he compared himself to them.
They were all frightened of change.
They were all nervous about not having enough money.
They were all intimidated by despondent and dissatisfied women.
And they were all looking for a retreat.
My dad went to Canada–sometimes twice a year–to hunt and fish, but mostly to try to find something in his brain that was his own.
My mother didn’t mean to be intrusive. She always felt she was being helpful. The problem is, helpful is rarely achieved if no one is asking for help.
My dad was not unhappy, he just wanted to be left alone. So he built himself a cabin out on a small piece of land that we owned outside town. It was rustic, it was small, and had very little in it–except my dad, when he wanted to be away from everybody.
My girlfriend and I occasionally slipped out to the location to “play doctor” which eventually led to “hospital.”
But every time I came into that room I could feel his loneliness. I know it sounds poetic, or even misplaced, but there was a quiet in the room which was disconcerting instead of reassuring.
The day he died, people gathered at our home to consume all the casseroles which had been brought in by well-meaning relatives. I slipped away and drove to that cabin, walked in and sat down on the cot that was in the middle of the room.
I don’t know what I expected. Perhaps I thought I would feel the spirit of my dearly departed father.
All I felt was the loneliness which was now even more lonely, because its only visitor had finally escaped.