Cougar: (informal) an older woman who seeks sexual relationships with much younger men

What is an older woman?

When I was twelve, I thought my cousin was an older woman. She was nineteen.

The word “older” is so—well, old.

It doesn’t mean anything.

I will tell you right now what makes a woman attractive. It is not because she has reached her fortieth birthday and still looks like she’s twenty-three. No—the reasons “cougars,” as they fancifully are called, are attractive to younger men are as follow:

1. They’ve had enough birthdays that they’re no longer fretting over their biological clock—to drop a kid or two before they leave the planet.
2. They’ve been disappointed enough by men that they have a much better idea of what they want.
3. They have found their clitoris and are not asking you to go on a quest to locate it.
4. That means they are able to control their own orgasm without demanding you do something supernatural to acquire it.
5. They can talk. (And I’m not speaking of chattering. The journey has given them some experiences to share.)
6. They smell mature. They smell like women instead of honey and flowers. It’s very alluring
7. And if they are smart, they’ve learned not to bullshit men or pump up their egos, creating monsters.

I’m not so sure I like the term “cougars.” I think it’s rather degrading.

But I think it’s brilliant to distinguish what makes a woman valuable as time passes and realize that she doesn’t have nearly as much to prove—nor as much to complain about.

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