by J. R. Practix

Abhor: v.  regard with disgust or hatred

Talk about the bad luck of the draw. Here it is–Valentine’s Day–and the Old Dictionary pops up to me the word “abhor.”

But it did get me thinking. Because as wonderful as it is to have one day a year when we celebrate the glories of romantic love and think of phrases that will attempt to communicate the true spectrum of our feelings, we must realize that the rest of the year, what we’re trying to dodge are phrases that are so hurtful that they continue to sting even after consolation and gentleness have soothed.

Yes, we must realize that there are things we say which, no matter how many times we apologize, are stockpiled deep within the spirit of our lovers, to be released later at the most inopportune times. So I was thinking about these phrases we casually toss off in moments of weakness and frustration, simultaneously realizing that they have different weights of intensity–a scorecard, if you will.

Some of the lower-scoring insults are more easily forgotten, like:

• “I don’t get you.” Or
• “It wouldn’t hurt you to take some cooking lessons…”

There are the cutting comments. Case in point:

• “I can’t help that I make more money than you.” Or
• “I would have shared with you but I didn’t think you would understand or were interested…”

Then you leap into the higher scorers–those comments that do leave residual effects.

• “You’re a liar.”
• “You’re a loser.”

If you’re feeling in a British mood, you can say:

• “I disdain you.”

In a great moment of fussiness, “I hate you” might even spit from the tongue.

But this morning I realized that none of those come close to “I abhor you.”

Now, there’s always the possibility that your mate does not own a dictionary and may think the word means something completely different. But if he or she happens to look it up, they will realize that the word “disgust” appears in the definition. That would be a hard one to overcome.

I do think I would prefer if my Valentine called me Satan instead of saying she abhorred me. So as you can see, words matter. Some words have a longer shelf life than others.

And definitely–the most important thing to remember on Valentine’s Day is that a hundred “I love you’s” can be quickly erased by … “Huh?  I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening.”