Buffalo

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Buffalo: (n) a heavily built wild ox with backswept horns

I saw one.

I was driving across the country many years ago in my beat-up, brown Dodge van, with two other folks. Dictionary BWe were crossing the plains–I think South Dakota–and there in the distance was a buffalo.

Even though I’ve never been close to one, I’ve seem them in movies enough that I was pretty sure I was staring at the beast. We were on a back country road, so we decided to stop and pull out our old-fashioned cameras, which were not digital, climb out and take some pictures of the creature.

He–or she–was about a hundred yards away.

All at once, this hairy force of nature noticed us and started ambling in our direction. We thought it was cool.

But as it got closer and closer, it got bigger and bigger and fiercer and fiercer and faster and faster. It was less than thirty yards from us when we deicded we’d better jump back into the van, figuring we would be safe.

The buffalo actually came all the way to our position. Feeling well encased, we continued taking pictures through the window glass. The buffalo apparently became offended because it came over, took its big, ugly head and bumped the passenger door.

It was loud.

The lady sitting in that chair was absolutely terrified.

I started the van and took off, with the buffalo trying to keep up for about a hundred feet.

When we were fully away from the scene, we pulled over and got out to assess the damage.

There was a huge dent in the door, which we could never afford to fix.

So from that point on, whenever we came out to get into the van, we were reminded of our friend from the Dakotas.

Like so many things in life, it’s much nicer to see them on TV.

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Buff

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Buff: (adj) being in good physical shape with fine muscle tone.

Although I agree that sexual purity is a noble state, sexual deprivation more resembles North Dakota.

What I mean is, as we try to avoid promiscuity, we need to consider the fact that all of us require some sensation Dictionary Bof being attractive.

I was kind of born fat.

I know that sounds like a cop-out, and it probably is–but since I was twelve-and-a-half pounds when I popped out of my mother, and three hundred pounds by the time I reached the 7th grade, it is safe to say there were not many intervals of “lean” in between.

So even though I worked on a good personality, a generous spirit and nourishing my talent, I have traveled the Earth with what appears to be a spare belly. I don’t know what it would ever be used for–it just seems to take up space, unexplained.

Recently, one of my dear friends, who happens to be female, told me that another friend saw me about twenty years back, when I was deeply absorbed, or perhaps even possessed, in the notion of exercise, and described me as “buff.”

I almost wet my pants.

The notion of me being buff, or considered buff, or even curiously perceived buff by a near-sighted man, gave me an uncontrollable tingle down my spine.

For a moment, I felt alluring, without feeling the need to allure.

I was appealing, without needing to pursue pleasant dialogue which might make me seem interesting.

There is an old saying that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” If by that the writer intended to express that we are crazy and bonkers, then I agree.

But if we don’t feel presentable, we don’t feel happy.

And if we don’t feel happy, we try to make other people’s lives miserable.

And once miserable, they will certainly find us even more unappealing.

 

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Budget

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Budget: (n) an estimate of income and expenditure for a set period of time.

Sometimes I think the word “budget” was created so that the word “over” can be used more often.

Over budget.

I don’t exactly know why we’re so obsessed with budgets. I mean, I understand the practicality of them, but itDictionary B often resembles the little ant talking to the rubber tree plant.

In other words, we can account for many things as human beings:

  • We can tally.
  • We can work.
  • We can place things in envelopes.

But none of us are prepared for the surprises. Usually, those unplanned happenings are negative and not positive.

For instance, your car never tells you that it grew another transmission. That would be nice.

This is why, when we play Monopoly, and we pick the card that says “Bank error in your favor. Collect $100,” we almost feel like crying.

What is the value of a budget? The greatest purpose for a budget is to confirm that we have the possibility for solvency in the first place. Without such a consideration, we can launch a ship and run out of supplies in the middle of the ocean.

It’s called “counting the cost.”

And even though it doesn’t solve all problems, it at least informs us that if the wind blows just right, the figures we put on paper have half a chance of covering the need.

 

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Budge

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Budge: (v) to move slightly

I am an oxymoron.

For I will tell you of a certainty, I am a domesticated gypsy.

Or a gypsy, domesticated.

Half of my journey has been raising a family of fine sons, who now hDictionary Bave lives of their own.

But intermingled was a series of travels to share my art and heart with hundreds of thousands of people across the United States of America.

It was a precariously divine mission, one which I had to spark up in my soul daily, to guarantee enough pistons in the engine to propel me forward.

So I was often amused when I finished my show, which included music, humor and dialogue, and the sponsor nervously came to my side, twitching and relieved, and said, “It sure seems like everybody enjoyed it.”

I do think this individual usually believed if he or she had shared some problem or preference that the audience expressed, that I would leap at the opportunity to amend my approach or add a different angle to my presentation.

Here’s the truth–and you’ll just have to believe that it’s the truth since you’re not that familiar with my soul.

You can change your cologne but not your face.

What I mean by that is, if somebody wants you to smell different, it’s really no big deal.

But when somebody wants to change your look–or your outlook–they’ve landed on sacred ground.

I’m always willing to change things that don’t matter, but I won’t budge if I believe they have eternal consequences.

 

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Buddy

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Buddy: (n) a close friend

A buddy is much more than a close friend.

I always viewed a buddy as someone who is a little younger than oneself, who tags along with great devotion, Dictionary Bsuffering under the pangs of hero worship.

I had such a friend.

He was about two years my junior, intelligent as a librarian’s daughter and completely inexperienced in most aspects of life.

I set him up with his first girlfriend.

I explained some of the greater subtleties of human sexuality (from my limited perspective).

I took him to his first X-rated movie.

We were so close that half the people thought I was a bad influence and the other half were grateful that I took him under my wing.

It lasted for about a year. Then one day somebody talked to him about me–or maybe nothing, or perhaps something.

Who knows?

From then on, we never really saw each other.

But sometimes I wonder if he thinks about the time we had together–the adventures, the laughs, the mistakes and the double-takes.

I remember it fondly.

Was I a bad influence on him? Hell, yeah.

In a good way.

 

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Budding

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Budding: (adj) developing buds in the normal growth process

Ideas may be our worst enemies.

Even though many people yearn for them, plead for them or even pay good, hard cash for them, ideas often takDictionary Be us off the track of the successful trail.

We honor ideas too much. We are afraid to abandon them when the budding of a new possibility appears before our eyes. We feel a false sense of loyalty–especially true when it’s our own brainchild.

Therefore, we fail to question what is already unraveling, innovate that which is archaic, and simply laugh off things we have planned which are ridiculous.

We should be looking for the greening of an idea–some evidence that the planted seed is actually breaking through the soil, reaching to live.

Most people spend too much time visiting their ideas, which they buried, and now, rather than becoming a garden, resemble a graveyard.

 

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Buddhism

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Buddhism: (n) a religion, originated in India by Buddha

Everybody’s got a different idea on the subject.

Some people think religion is like comparing various incarnations of cola. In other words, a handful of people Dictionary Bknow the difference–but most folks would just say “it’s a Coke.”

Continuing in the food theme, there are those who differentiate religions as bread, milk, meat and fruit. But I think all that’s ridiculous.

I think the most intelligent thing to do in assessing religion is to take a moment of your time to figure out what really works with humans on Planet Earth.

There are three things:

  1. People are people and they aren’t going to stop being people.
  2. We all care about ourselves.
  3. So it’s essential to find a way to care about yourself without ignoring everybody else.

This trio of ideas is immutable. It never goes away.

So a Jewish religion which believes that those who have trimmed penises are the “chosen people” might find themselves struggling in the social arena with that assertion.

Likewise, the Muslims, who feel it is their job to take over the world and insert Muslim principles into the heart of every human being, will probably suffer the slings and arrows of those who love a good barbecue pork sandwich.

And in the case of Buddha and his world-renowned Buddhism, trying to convince people that ignoring their desires and emotions is the path to Nirvana, seems to me to be futile.

Christianity, on the other hand, which has decided to bunk with Judaism, fails to deliver the best tenets of its organization as put forth by Jesus, who thoroughly confirmed our three steps by saying that once you find out how you love yourself, just apply that same measure to others.

There is an old saying, which translated, reads, “The only pure religion that is undefiled is to take care of women and children who don’t have resources and to keep yourself from being overthrown by worldly affairs.”

Buddhism suffers from too much introspection in a world which demands we consider seven billion options.

 

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