Cuban Missile Crisis

Cuban Missile Crisis: (n) A confrontation between the United States and the Soviet Union in 1962 over the presence of missile sites in Cuba;

I was two months from my eleventh birthday when I was informed that the world was about to blow up. I didn’t know much about what was happening on the planet.

My life was simple.

I was climbing in the bathtub every night, looking down at my pubic area for any signs of hair, since a rumor had spread that one of the guys in our class had some.

This was the most important thing to me.

But all of a sudden, my attention was temporarily nabbed by the news that those bad people over there on the other side of the world were trying to kill us good people over here—by blowing us up with bombs which seemed to be a lot more explosive than I could even imagine.

I was very angry.

Matter of fact, over dinner I expressed my rage by explaining that it was completely unfair for a bunch of old people to destroy my life just because they couldn’t get along with each other

The problem was that there were now missiles in Cuba.

I didn’t know anything about Cuba. When I heard the word “Cuba” the first thing that popped into my mind were cube steaks, which were some hybrid of hamburger and sirloin. So the way I remembered the word was to think of “Cuba Steaks.”

Therefore, people in “Cuba Steaks” were planning to fire bombs at us that turned our bodies into dust through fire.

I was not going to get to live long enough to kiss a girl or do any more hair-raising.

That’s what it meant to me.

And honestly, as I think back on it, having studied it, heard renditions of the story and considered the insanity of the times, my ten, nearly eleven-year-old objections seem quite suitable.

It would be wonderful to tell you that the Cuban Missile Crisis is a thing of the past. But now we have a whole new generation of leaders who apparently cannot remember what it was like to be terrified, living in a world of “duck and cover.”

Now they are trying to reintroduce these weapons into everyday thought.

If I had a poison in my cupboard and I knew it would kill someone if they drank it, the only sane solution would be to remove the poison from my cupboard, not expect everybody to remember that it’s lethal.

Perhaps we should all pray that logic will win the day and we will grow so weary of thinking about being destroyed that we’ll finally put the poison away for good—those weapons that snuff out all life.

 

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

 

Cub Scouts

Cub Scout: (n) a member of the junior division (ages 8–10) of the Boy Scouts.

 

It was supposed to be a weekend trip to see if I liked it.

“It” referring to an outing with the Cub Scouts.

I was nine years old but much larger than the other boys. Actually, I was much larger than my dad. So when I asked to sign up for the troop, there was a hesitation I had not seen when the other boys expressed curiosity.

Here is what they told me:

  1. We’re not so sure you’ll like it.
  2. There’s a lot of walking and hiking.
  3. The tents are small.

And:

  1. We checked. They don’t have a Cub Scout uniform in your size.

Much to the chagrin of the Scout leader, his wife offered to sew me one, so that I could be part of the troop. After he gave her a sour look, we proceeded on to plan a trial excursion, where I would join the Cub Scouts—uniformless—for a weekend, to see if it was (pardon the expression) a good fit.

Even though I was young, I realized quickly that the leader was so reluctant to have me join his little conclave of Cubbies that he found it difficult to converse with me, and was a bit bitter when he attempted to answer questions.

I tried my hardest—and when that was not good enough, I tried my damndest.

I thought I had some moments where I sort of resembled one of the guys doing guy things out beneath the pines.

But I was slower in the walking.

I was stuffed into a tent instead of placed there.

And it was obvious that for me, bending and crawling were not fluid endeavors.

At the end of the weekend I decided to drop my application. It was obvious to me—and probably the other dudes—that our leader was relieved and thankful to return to fearless.

I will never know whether I quit because of the strain or because I felt unwanted.

Unwanted is more than a feeling.

It’s a sentence—a punishment.

And if you’re a young, fat boy, it can be a demand to eat more, to escape the condemnation of having eaten too much.

 

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

 

Crêpe

Crêpe: (n) a thin, light delicate pancake

 Sitting here, pausing, mulling the idea and the essence of the crepe, it occurred to me that many of the transitions and outstanding moments in my life have been marked by the discovery and pursuit of some new food.

Maybe that’s why I’m overweight.

I’ve lived such a full life at the banquet table of experience.

I remember when I was about six years old and I ate pickle-pimento lunchmeat for the first time. It was so good. I liked it when it was sliced thin. I liked it when the butcher made it chunkier.

I liked pickle-pimento loaf so much that I asked for it on my twelfth birthday.

On that day, and throughout that night, I personally ate an entire pound of the stuff.

I never developed a dislike for it—just allowed it to graduate on to my next epiphany of treats.

There was a season when I discovered Chinese food. Having graduated from high school, I found myself driving my old car to downtown Columbus—that being the one in the state of Ohio—and walking around, taking in some theater, and visiting (and eventually frequenting) a little Chinese walk-in restaurant called La Toy.

I had never eaten such fare during my growing up years. I quickly developed a favorite. It was listed as Number 3 on the menu: Fried rice, Egg Foo Yung and Chicken Chow Mein.

So whether I was shopping, looking for a chance to play in a rock and roll band, trying to figure out how to flirt with a girl or going to the state theater to see the Broadway cast of Godspell, I always ended up afterwards at La Toy, munching my jaws on my favored three.

Then a few years later, when I was traveling on the road trying to scratch out a living (but actually not caring one way or the other if the electric company got their payment) I stopped in with a couple of friends at the International House of Pancakes, and posed the question:

What is a crêpe?

It was explained to me, and on a whim, I ordered some, with strawberries on top.

Crêpes are the best of pancakes. They aren’t so heavy and flour-filled. They also are the best of eggs because you don’t have to decide if you like the yolks or not. I became fond of crêpes and frequented I-Hop so often that I nearly went bankrupt from my less-than-wealthy purse.

But to this day, if I come upon a crêpe, I will order it.

Matter of fact, some day in the future, arriving in heaven, sitting before me at the Banquet Table of Life, will be pickle-pimento loaf, Number 3 from La Toy and a platter of crêpes.

 

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

 

 

Crystal Meth

Crystal meth: (Slang) methamphetamine in powder or crystalline form.

Everything that’s not a vitamin, mineral or nutrient seems to take the same journey of acceptance or rejection in our social structure.

You would think that over the years we would learn to change the format, but for some reason, it works as follows:

  1. Drug is discovered
  2. Drug is experimented with by individuals
  3. Drug is abused
  4. Drug creates addiction
  5. Rehabilitation is necessary
  6. Drug is banned or severely restricted
  7. Drug is considered for medical purposes

Now, does anyone else see a flaw in this process? Because whether you’re a deist or an atheist, you can still accept the fact that the Earth has a certain guarantee of being self-contained. In other words, the problems that abide normally have solutions on this planet if we will research and find the conclusions.

There is no mysterious cure for cancer waiting for us on the Planet Mars.

It’s here—we just haven’t found it yet. But one of the reasons we haven’t found it is that we continue to accept the word “recreational” and the word “drug” to be linked.

We are so obsessed with our own pleasure that we don’t take care of our pain.

Aside from being ridiculous, it ends up being dangerous.

Crystal meth is one of those procedures—a chemical reaction which has been revealed, and may, in the future, prove to be a healing agent, but in the interim, like morphine drugs, is being used to hurt people instead of heal them.

What would happen if we took everything the Earth has to offer and investigated how it could improve our health instead of wondering whether two hits of it will make us sufficiently loopy?

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C



https://jonathanrichardcring.substack.com/

Crystal Ball

Crystal ball: (n) a method or means of predicting the future.

Take a walk with me.

You don’t even have to leave your chair.

Let us consider it a mental exercise—a stretching of our reason.

Just answer me a few questions:

  1. Do human beings have free will?

By the way, it’s kind of a yes or no question. If you answered no, you probably don’t need to go any further on this little thoughtful jaunt. I will just assume that you respect free will.

  1. Are human beings unpredictable?

Even though we think we gain insight on the character and reactions of others, our closest friends can still surprise us from time to time by turning left when we’re accustomed to their “right ways.”

  1. Since humans have free will, we cannot guarantee what choices, decisions or options they pursue. Do you agree?

I certainly do.

I think the worst thing I do in my life is when I try to second guess people who haven’t really invited me to guess in the first place.

  1. Taking all this into consideration, is it possible that people, life, institutions and circumstances can surprise us?

I know it’s a foolish query. Of course they can.

So final question:

  1. Since we don’t know what people are going to do and we don’t know what’s going to happen, how can the future even exist—except as a hazy space of possibility awaiting our whim?

How about that?

So since there is no future until free-will creatures live it out, how could a crystal ball define what that’s going to be when the unpredictability is just downright unpredictable?

So if you want to find identify a hoax or confirm that something is completely out of whack, feel free to run away from all souls who think they can tell you the future.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C



https://jonathanrichardcring.substack.com/

Crystal

Crystal: (n) a clear, transparent mineral or glass resembling ice.

 “I want to make this crystal-clear.”

Have you heard this statement?

Every time someone speaks these words, I consider crystal.

Crystal is not a pane of glass which you can see through clearly to the other side.

It appears to be. It seems to be pure.

But when you look through crystal there are distortions.

Things are just a little twisted.

The light bends through, creating contorted images.

Yet it’s very easy to insist to those around us that this “crystal vision” is an accurate representation of what we are viewing.

We have become too successful in our society at hiding evil behind a crystal lens, which has been cut, trimmed and placed in a position to convey the image we wish to portray instead of what is real.

It’s like a pair of glasses–every pair works for only one person.

The lenses have been cut, sized and measured for the eyesight of that individual. When we wear the spectacles of another traveler, our vision is clouded and sometimes even makes our heads spin.

What we really want to do is work on our eyesight and purify it.

Make sure the light of our body is our eye and it’s like a pane of glass.

So even if we decide to wear a pair of glasses for fashion, all we need to do is put glass in them, without messing with the adjustment.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C



https://jonathanrichardcring.substack.com/

Crypto

Crypto: (adj) secret or hidden, as in “a crypto Nazi.”

 What a cool word.

Of course, I’ll never be able to use it. If I applied it in an everyday situation, people would say, “What do you mean by that?”

Then I’d find myself in that state of trying to explain something, defending myself on why I decided to use it. No thanks.

But for the sake of this article, I will tell you that I do believe in Jesus, but I am a crypto Christian.

No one could be more reluctant than I am to admit to being a part of such a disorganized organization, and unloving ministry of love.

I guess I’m a crypto male, too.

I just don’t buy into all the myths about the human penis, domination, superiority and winning the dame by flattering the hell out of her.

Some people might consider me a crypto American because I don’t join a political party. I learned a long time ago to never go to a party that doesn’t serve refreshments.

In some ways I’m a crypto writer. It doesn’t mean I can’t write. It means that I find the snotty, bratty people who edit and publish to be restricting—kind of like that suit I bought when I was twenty-five, which I really liked but was two sizes too small so I never got a chance to button it.

But I will never admit to being a crypto human.

Religion wants to make humans faltering sinners. Secularists want to make them individualistic gods.

I know what it means to be a human.

It means discovering your weaknesses but working through them to discover your strengths.

 

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C



https://jonathanrichardcring.substack.com/