Deem

Deem: (v) to form or have an opinion; judge; think

Probably a half-a-dozen meetings. Maybe flirtin’ with ten.

I’m talking about occasions where people gathered to discuss, mull over, muse and fester in their souls, considering what they deem appropriate.

It’s dangerous business.

The word “appropriate” should never be introduced into human relationships, for the minute we think we have found the borders, somebody will break down the fence.

And when you add the idea to “deem,” there is an arrogance that comes along with it which promotes the concept that one human being can decide for many.

I don’t care if I’m reading a history book, a cookbook or the Bible—someone has preceded me and made conclusions about what they decided to deem essential.

It’s not a question of whether they’re right or wrong. It’s an issue of if we can lasso the word “deem” and make sure it is not allowed to run amuck, horsing around with everything we do.

I don’t know what I deem appropriate.

I know what makes me uncomfortable. But that used to be calamari, and now I sop it up.

I’m fickle.

I can be convinced.

Actually, I’m capable of mercy.

And when you’re a “deemer,” mercy is not the question, but rather, propriety.

I guess you’d have to ask if God, the Almighty One Himself, deems.

Or is He a daddy, driving down the road in his SUV, allowing the kids to scream and play—just as long as they don’t hurt each other?

 

Calculate

Calculate: (v) to determine the amount.

I don’t want answers.

I want the information to coincide with my conclusions.

In other words, I basically have already decided what I have done and what I’m willing to do–so I’m on the hunt to discover the foxy way to
get by with my contribution.

The human race spends too much time calculating plans to avoid the inevitable, and therefore ends up with the same problem–except more serious and delinquent.

What should I calculate?

I should calculate who I am and what I really can do.

I should calculate that sharing this with other people in an honest frame of mind is the most practical way to make friends.

And I should calculate that sometimes my efforts, abilities and resources are not enough to cover the need, so I should buy myself enough time to make arrangements, seek assistance or negotiate a better deal.

We should never calculate too far from the borders of realism.

An example:

I, for one, am a believer in heaven, but I’m certainly calculating to stay here as long as possible … just in case.

 

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Bob

Bob: (n) a shortened name for Robert.

We’ve given up on Bob.Dictionary B

In an attempt to include Julius, Keesha, Manuel and Mohammed, we somehow or another felt it was necessary to reject Bob and relegate him to the museum of artifacts.

As much as conservatives suffer under the short-sightedness of failing to see where progress is heading, liberals are often so far-sighted that they stumble over the settled souls of their fellow-countrymen.

It took a lot of Bobs to make America.

They don’t understand everything that is going on–yet they won’t become more tolerant by constantly being told how bigoted they are.

Bob has a heart, which is often encased in a weathered, oaken trunk of tradition. It needs to be opened, tenderly and carefully.

As we try to give freedom and justice to all, we need to remember that this also includes Bob. He may be slower at arriving at necessary conclusions, but he should not be ignored because we find him tedious.

God bless America, with all of its unique names and nationalities.

But also, God bless Bob.

May we travel at a pace where we rest every once in a while … so all the Bobs in our country can catch up. 

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Baseball

Baseball: (n) a ball game played between two teams of nine on a field with a diamond-shaped circuit of four basesDictionary B

From my youth, baseball was pitched my way but I never caught on.

I don’t know exactly why.

I’m not so sure I’ve ever watched an entire baseball game on TV, and the two times I attended a game at a park, I survived it by consuming enormous amounts of hot dogs.

So when I read the word today, I thought to myself, what is it I don’t like about baseball?

Before I answer, please understand that my conclusions are arbitrary and certainly cemented in a tomb of my own misunderstanding. Nevertheless:

1. It’s slow.

By the time the follow-up play responds to the previous action, I have forgotten what has been accomplished.

2. It’s a team sport.

Even though we extol team sports, I think we actually enjoy competitions that have fewer participants and more heroes.

3. It demands proficiency in a variety of activities.

It is difficult to praise singular action. In other words, you have to catch, throw, hit, run, slide and steal. Any one of these should be enough.

4. There is so much space between actions that it should be filled in with background movie music.

Maybe the tunes could even be complementary and generate excitement in the performance.

5. And finally, I didn’t do it very well.

 

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Annuity

dictionary with letter A

Annuity: (n) a fixed sum of money paid to someone each year, typically for the rest of his or her life.

In my saner moments–in other words, when I’m more sane–I actually come to conclusions that are factual instead of impudent.

Because when I read the definition of “annuity,” I thought how wonderful it would be to have somebody who would present me with a check on January 1st which would cover my expenses and frivolous notions for an entire calendar year.

Trying to be noble, I would say that this would make me more productive because the fear of financial failure would be lifted from my shoulders.

But then candor enters my tattered soul and I have to admit that this would make me nothing but lazy.

  • After all, without a bit of uncertainty, I don’t work as hard.
  • Without a tinge of peril to my health, I might stop eating vegetables.
  • Without some insecurity about my love relationships, I might doze off on my commitments and cease to be interactive with the kind souls around me.

Yes, even though I don’t want to admit it, I am a better human being because things are occasionally screwed up. Not only are they defiled by my efforts, but many of them are ruined by my friends, associates and just flukes of nature.

I become more proficient and appreciative because I have to adjust and correct errors. Sometimes jubilance comes to my heart because I have miraculously figured out how to make ten dollars work like twelve.

Without this, I become a “kept man,” a prisoner to the generosity of others instead of the beneficiary of my own talent.

So even though I am not so virtuous as to turn down such an annuity if it was offered to me (hint, hint) I am fully prepared on this lovely day, to concede … that I am better off without it. 

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Adagio

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Adagio: 1. (adj) a very slow tempo in music 2. (n) the name of the slow movement in a musical composition: e.g. Barber’s Adagio for Strings

I realize that I have reached the adagio of my life. My body has asked me to slow down the tempo.

I am not quite as capable of pizzicato anymore. Jumping up and down and leaping about seems to be something more worthy of discussion than application.

I also don’t Allegro. There’s no need to go fast when the destination does not seem to be moving away and the arrival time is not necessarily dictated.

I think some people become very upset when adagio settles into their years–so much so that they often take a cue from the musical community and place this passage in a minor key. Rather than keeping a lovely melody of major beauty, a darkness settles in, to communicate that “we’ve slowed down and will no longer pizzicato or allegro.”

I think most men wish they could take a Viagra which would affect their whole being, transforming them to when they were eighteen years old and generally energetic (although more often than not, embarrassed over their choices.)

Not me. I would rather be pleased over my well-thought-out conclusions than to jump to them, only to run into a brick wall.

I suppose most people’s favorite part of a musical composition is the fast Allegro, filled with energy, musicians showing off their prowess of fingering.

But there is something wonderful about taking the Adagio, removing the remorse, cutting out the regrets and ushering in an enlightening tunefulness which fills the soul with hope and joy.

That’s what I want to do.

The reason for living longer than you really should–because honestly, if you do it right, you pretty well have hit the high points by the age of thirty-five–anyway, back to my point: the purpose for continuing past that juncture is to discover, relate, create and expand upon the human condition with your wisdom, your simplicity and your calm spirit.

If you’re running around in your fifties, sixties or seventies trying to prove that you’re still young, attempting to convince everybody that your Allegro movement is prolonged, you will miss the true satisfaction of sharing your Adagio and warming the hearts of your audience.