Tag Archives: calm

De-escalate

De-escalate: (v) to decrease in intensity, magnitude, etc.

It is something I’ve always done.

I never gave it much thought.

To me it just made sense.

For you see, taking the first reaction of a human being who has been startled or hurt is not only unfair—it is not representative of who they are.

I do believe there is a childish portion in each one of us that wants to be offended so we can receive sympathy from those around us about being slighted.

But if you have just run into someone’s car and you’re informing them of that fact, and you expect them to give you a calm, measured response, you just might be evil.

Human beings should be given a chance to de-escalate from their initial response.

I don’t care what it is.

I don’t care if you think they should be more mature.

None of us are.

If we have a moment and realize how poorly we have handled our initial reaction, we often will mellow, apologize and gather our notions in a more thoughtful way.

But we need that time.

We need that mercy.

We need to understand that the first words that come out of somebody’s mouth when he or she feels offended are not conciliatory nor particularly kind.

They are bitter.

They are scolding words looking to heap damage.

It won’t hurt us to give our fellow human beings a chance to get over that initial pain—de-escalate and find a better reaction.

It does require that we have the maturity to know:

First reactions don’t count.

Each one of us deserves an opportunity to reflect and do better.

 

Dangling

Dangling: (part) to hang

Life is about one thing and one thing only.

Try to end up in situations where you’re considering choices instead of offering reactions.

Pause and think about that.

I ask you to reflect on the statement because I’ve been doing it a lot myself lately.

In this season, there’s a gigantic pandemic hanging over our world, threatening the lives of the human race, placing all of us in suspended animation.

Dangling.

There is a tendency to want to react, respond or reclaim a former lifestyle instead of waiting until choices are real and options, legitimate.

Otherwise you just have reactions—unwarranted or knee-jerk.

We are all trying to avoid dangling.

I had to put several things to rest in my mind this year. Although I’ve been dutiful to my faith, I had to resort to a sweet calmness, allowing me to be indifferent to whether that spiritual pursuit has any legitimacy.

Why?

Because it leaves me dangling.

Also I had a parcel of sour relationships which I frequently tried to heal. Very little progress has ever been made. I opted to let them float away. I’m no longer evaluating myself on the outcome of the negotiations.

After many decades of battling obesity, I’m trying to focus on putting good things in my mouth to swallow—and doing a little bit less of it. I’m no longer dangling “slender” before my yearning eyes, criticizing myself for the present shape of things.

For what we want to do is make choices.

What we need to avoid is giving a reaction.

And what we wish to dispel is all the terror and uncertainty of dangling.

Crass

Crass: (adj) without refinement, delicacy, or sensitivity; gross; obtuse; stupid

How does one write in such a way as to communicate that the thoughts being shared are in a whisper?

Great question, huh?funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Well, if you would imagine that I am whispering, I will tell you to calm your spirit and listen carefully.

There is one secret to life and one alone. It is the thing that prevents us from being crass.

After all, crass is when things go along real well until someone threatens our sacred cow, never actually having any intention of killing it.

And at this point, people argue. They challenge. They bicker. And more often than not, it ends in some uncomfortable stand-off, where the footing is slippery, and the grudges begin to ice up.

We are all crass until we learn one valuable idea:

Don’t be defensive.

If someone makes a statement in your direction that offends you, don’t immediately leap to share explanations of your motivations or calibrate the correct insult to fire back.

It is really what is meant by “turning the other cheek.” It is not allowing somebody to punch you and then giving them permission to beat the hell out of you. No, it is refusing to become defensive, and instead, measuring the moment to see if you want to put yourself in the middle of a lengthy discussion, or would rather just go home.

Candidly, wasting time is more aggravating than being insulted. Consider the source, consider your heart and soul, consider your time.

We become crass when we feel it is necessary to defend ourselves whenever anyone darkens our countenance with their disapproval.

But crass by its very nature always leads to an overblown objection that makes the other person defensive, and then two defensive people defend themselves until everybody’s offended.

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Core Curriculum

Core curriculum: (n) a collection of courses with a central theme

I tend to run out of the room in a bit of horror when I hear voices raised and people begin to stomp around sharing their opinions with more energy than wisdom.

I know it may be popular to be sold out on your convictions, but too often I see people’s convictions sell them out, leaving them ignorant or inept.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
Every once in a while, you’ll stumble across a discussion laced with some humility—and the participants will admit that the reason a conversation is necessary is because knowledge is lacking.

For instance, what does an eighteen-year-old American teenager need to know, think, believe and feel upon graduating from high school? Candidly, college offers new choices the student can take advantage of if he or she is so inclined, but I do think we should be very interested in what the average eighteen-year-old already knows upon completing the core curriculum in the American educational system.

And in a sense, it does boil down to “reading, ‘riting, ‘rithmetic”—but may I add a fourth “R?” Rationality.

Reading is necessary because if you’re eighteen years old, and you insist that everything you need to know you’ve already learned, then you are certainly a danger to those around you.

‘Riting because if you’re only going to use words in vague half-sentences or tweets, then you will often leave the world around you bewildered as to your intentions. Can you write a decent paragraph that conveys what you’re trying to say?

‘Rithmetic—because entering the adult world, you must understand that things need to add up, and if they don’t you must subtract something and learn to divide up your efforts to grant you the possibility to multiply.

And finally, rationality. Teaching an eighteen-year-old that most of the time, he or she is either wrong or deficient of the data necessary to make a good decision will calm things down, with a bit of needed uncertainty, instead of becoming overwrought, chasing unrealistic dreams.

Yes, there is a need for a core curriculum—where we start out agreeing on common sense principles.


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Beleaguered

Beleaguered: (v) beset with difficulties.

Dictionary B

In the midst of the howling horde of hooligans who are posturing for political prowess, two beleaguered words faithfully try to tempt and tantalize, while teaching us.

Honest and calm.

Honesty has been given so much disregard that it almost seems relegated to the naivete or those who have made some sort of holy vow of promise.

However, honest is really just a truthful representation of the facts as we know them.

Calm, on the other hand, has been equated with meek–weak–which has been linked with the word “freak.”

Yes, we consider it to be anti-human to remain gentle and relaxed in the presence of a world of tribulation.

Honest and calm, two beleaguered but necessary attributes, continue to linger in the lobby of life, hoping someone will come up and strike up a conversation.

“Hello, Honest. How are you today? Are things working out? You appear lonely. You seem like you’re going to give up on your mission of honoring the truth.”

“Greetings, Calm. What’s it like trying to stay mellow in a world of rage? Do you feel useless? Do you wish you could just change a letter and become a clam? Of course, then they would say you’re ‘clamming up.'”

It is time for us to welcome back honest and calm.

Without them, we doubt the integrity of each other … and are always prepared to attack.

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Aplomb

dictionary with letter A

Aplomb (n.) calm self-confidence.

When I was growing up there was a game called “Pick-Up Sticks,” where everything was thrown down in a pile, and I had the job of picking up the sticks from the pile without disturbing the other sticks around it.

It was nerve-wracking–very similar, matter of fact, to the game Operation, in which you had a pair of tweezers to remove a plastic body part without getting buzzed by touching the sides.

That’s why I find it difficult to justify the word “calm” and the idea of “self-confidence” being linked together.

Because I will tell you, self-confidence is a house of cards.

Those who truly believe they are full of it … well, are usually full of it. They are trapped in a misconception that what they bring to the table is sufficient without any addition and certainly without correction. It is a dangerous profile which robs you of your calm because humanity is very willing to remind you of your lack and remove all praise in the process.

Actually, I think the best way to become jaded is to insist on a profile of self-confidence. You will quickly find that a situation comes up beyond your scope and requires some adjustment–and if you don’t, you end up looking foolish, or worse, rationalizing your lame efforts.

If I were defining the word “aplomb,” I would say it’s a “calm use of true humility.”

Humility is much better than self-confidence simply because humility demands that you show up with some stats and facts, otherwise you’re not being humble–just unrealistic. And also, humility opens the door to the realization that since you had to learn what you’ve done so far, the possibility for additional learning is likely.

I meet many people who would insist that they’re self-confident. Matter of fact, they wear it as a badge of honor, unaware that it is actually a cloak of deception, leaving all parties who don the masquerade eventually looking over-dressed.

The reason I am calm is not because i believe I am sufficient. I find peace in my soul because I realize that the same humility which allowed me to do some great things will prepare me to gain the wisdom to do more.

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