by J. R. Practix

Abeyance: n.  a state of temporary disuse or suspension.

I’m not positive. Oh, I have inklings.

I certainly am aware of little monsters that try to come into my life and leave their footprints all over my freshly cemented ideas. But I’m not really quite sure how to bring all of these munchkins under abeyance.

I don’t know about you, but I always start out really well. Matter of fact, I cruise brilliantly in the middle of the road. But somewhere along the line, I despair over well-doing. It’s not because I don’t have evidence that such actions are beneficial to me. It’s more that the celebration of my victories begin to mingle with the temperament of my bad habits and create a climate of self-righteousness, causing me to temporarily believe that I have arrived at my destination, when actually I am five hundred miles from home.

Yes, there are tiny, little cracks in my armor that welcome the arrows of failure.

Recently, I’ve been trying to lose weight. First of all, I’m not quite sure it’s possible. My body has never been completely amicable to the idea of dropping what it views as my “support system.”

I persevere–but I do see these tiny little inclinations, which I would like to catch early, showing that I am weakening to the severity of discipline and gradually nurturing the need for self-hugging.

Last night it was eating a mozzarella cheese stick–about fifty calories. Sometimes it’s an extra handful of walnuts–about eighty calories. As you can see, neither one in itself amounts to a hill of beans (about 3000 calories).

But the problem is, without me pursuing abeyance in this matter, somehow or another I get from the cheese stick to belching on top of that hill of beans without ever exactly knowing what calorie increases I have consumed in between. It would be freaky if it weren’t so predictable.

So how can I bring this particular appetite in my life under abeyance? I know this–the enemy of any change is to remain silent.

So thanks for the talk.