Buff

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Buff: (adj) being in good physical shape with fine muscle tone.

Although I agree that sexual purity is a noble state, sexual deprivation more resembles North Dakota.

What I mean is, as we try to avoid promiscuity, we need to consider the fact that all of us require some sensation Dictionary Bof being attractive.

I was kind of born fat.

I know that sounds like a cop-out, and it probably is–but since I was twelve-and-a-half pounds when I popped out of my mother, and three hundred pounds by the time I reached the 7th grade, it is safe to say there were not many intervals of “lean” in between.

So even though I worked on a good personality, a generous spirit and nourishing my talent, I have traveled the Earth with what appears to be a spare belly. I don’t know what it would ever be used for–it just seems to take up space, unexplained.

Recently, one of my dear friends, who happens to be female, told me that another friend saw me about twenty years back, when I was deeply absorbed, or perhaps even possessed, in the notion of exercise, and described me as “buff.”

I almost wet my pants.

The notion of me being buff, or considered buff, or even curiously perceived buff by a near-sighted man, gave me an uncontrollable tingle down my spine.

For a moment, I felt alluring, without feeling the need to allure.

I was appealing, without needing to pursue pleasant dialogue which might make me seem interesting.

There is an old saying that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” If by that the writer intended to express that we are crazy and bonkers, then I agree.

But if we don’t feel presentable, we don’t feel happy.

And if we don’t feel happy, we try to make other people’s lives miserable.

And once miserable, they will certainly find us even more unappealing.

 

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Bonkers

Bonkers: (adj) mad; crazy.

Even though the word “bonkers” is often used as a gentle or even comical way of describing an errant idea or philosophy, we sometimes fail to realize that there’sDictionary B actually something in life that is bonkers.

Fortunately for us humans, it’s only a singular trespass, yet we continue to pursue it like it’s toilet paper attached to our shoe.

Here it is simply stated: “I think I can get by with this.”

It certainly is displayed in all of its glory when you’re cruising down the freeway and the speed limit is 70 miles per hour, and you set your cruise control to that number, only to discover that everybody flies by you–until suddenly each one observes a highway patrol car perched on the side of the road. Then what follows is a universal slamming on the brakes, which nearly generates a fifteen-car pileup.

Why?

Because we’ve convinced ourselves “we can get by with it.”

Both of the people currently running for president are convinced that if they deny their sins, foibles and missteps, they just might be able to fool the fools.

It’s ludicrous, since everybody on the planet is an investigative reporter, trying to catch me in my crimes–and I, alone, am my alibi witness.

Sooner or later, to keep from being bonkers, we have to realize that 1 must be called 1, and 2 must be called 2–or we will be called down when things don’t add up.

 

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