Amex: (abbr) American Express

I was sitting here wondering if it’s possible to use “obnoxious” and “friend” in the same sentence without contradicting etiquette.

I finally decided that I’ve had many friends who have gone through bouts of “obnoxity” and would probably contend that they have patiently waited for me to recover from a similar affliction.

One of my friends (who will remain nameless) was particularly susceptible to this viral, emotional condition. But basically, it only happened whenever he was discussing money.

At the age of twenty-six, he walked around with his chest puffed like a marshmallow, bragging about how he had just gotten an American Express card. He explained to me in vivid detail that it was a symbol of solvency. proof that credit was well-established and that the holder of such a piece of plastic was deemed “salt of the earth.”

He also explained in lengthy sentences that because I did not have this endorsement from Amex, that I was devoid of adult worthiness.

It was absolutely horrible.

But s life will often do in its pursuit of ultimately becoming a full-time stand-up comedian, within a decade and a half, the tables shifted. I, for that season, had the money–and the American Express card–and he was unemployed, trying to find a job fixing computer monitors, which had become so reasonable to buy that nobody actually repaired them.

I think he was prepared for me to leap on the opportunity to rub some of that “salt of the earth” into his wounds, and make him feel terrible, not just for his present situation, but for how he acted so many years earlier.

I didn’t.

It’s not because I’m a great guy. It’s because money comes, money goes and has a notorious reputation for flirting with the cutest person in the room.

So even though I had an American Express card for many years and paid it faithfully, when they discerned that I was no longer worthy of the club, I was ousted without explanation or any chance for objection.

So my basic situation is simple. I not only am not part of the American Express family any more, but must take the drastic and dangerous risk of actually leaving my home without it.