by J. R. Practix

Aberdeen: (1) a city in northeastern Scotland, a center of the North Sea oil industry, pop. 201,100. (2) a town in northeastern Maryland on Chesapeake Bay, pop. 13,067 (3) a city in northeastern South Dakota, a dairy center, pop. 24,658.

I’ve never been to Scotland, although I’ve heard rumors that the clothes will “kilt” ya. I have seen the movie Braveheart several times, which if I mentioned to a true Scotsman, would probably cause him to want to beat me to death with his bagpipes.

I’ve been to South Dakota twice. I remember on both occasions being surprised at how gloriously and pridefully unimpressive it was–and having the natives explain that South Dakota gets more tourism than North Dakota because it “sounds like it’s warmer.”

I certainly have been near Aberdeen, Maryland. My fond recollections of Maryland are the crab cakes they serve. Of course, the key to good crab cakes is all about the flavor of the cornbread batter. It should be sweet. Yes, crab cakes are what you might call a “deep-sea dessert.”

Like so many things in life, I know just enough about Aberdeen to be truly frustrating to anyone who has knowledge.

It’s not so much that silence is golden as it is that talking too much makes you look like crap