Tag Archives: HBO

Crypt

Crypt: (n) a subterranean vault used as a burial place or a location for secret meetings

“You are dead to me,” said the coroner to his rebellious son.

Or how about this?

“Let’s hang out and share some gallows humor.”

Or:

“She is not dead; she is asleep.” (That one’s from the Bible.)

Jokes about death are probably some of the more difficult ones to pull off.

I preface this essay with that thought because some of you may not think my little story is very funny.

I do not remember which one of my sons possessed this apprehension. (Actually, I probably do remember but just don’t want to humiliate him.)

HBO used to have a show called Crypt Keeper. It was hosted by this raspy-voiced creature resembling E. T., if E. T. had just survived an opiate overdose and was craving a fix.

I didn’t find the creature to be particularly scary, nor did my other older children. But this one son could neither see Crypt Keeper or even hear him, without going nearly berserk with anxiety—wanting to run out of the room, screaming.

Now, if I were a good Dad I would have been sensitive to the situation, making sure that my sons never had the show on or even kept the volume up during commercials.

But I was much younger and had not yet learned the parameters of good fatherhood.

So, God forgive me, and any angels who are interested, I found it completely hilarious when my young boy exploded like a firecracker and ran around the room trying to escape Crypt Keeper, breathing heavy, with his eyes bulging.

There may be much legend about this situation I’m about to share, so you must be careful who you listen to.

For instance, don’t believe any of my family members.

They will exaggerate the number of times I tormented my son with Crypt Keeper.

On this occasion, I had him seated next to me on the couch, with the volume turned down on the TV. We were eating popcorn, singing some songs. I had prearranged for my older son, sitting next to the television set, to turn up the volume as soon as a commercial about Crypt Keeper came on.

Faithful he was. Suddenly the volume came blaring through the room, with the Crypt Keeper’s voice, and my little son was so frightened that he threw a whole bowl of popcorn in the air—and wet his pants.

From that point on, I stopped pursuing my little practical joke.

Because when he wet his pants he was sitting on my lap.

 

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

https://jonathanrichardcring.substack.com/

Accommodate

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Accommodate: (v) 1. of physical space, esp. a building, provide lodging or sufficient space for 2. to fit in with the wishes or needs of.

Yes, I am susceptible to being sucked up by the vacuum cleaner of publicity.

So when HBO announced that it was doing a movie on Liberace, I felt somehow compelled to tune in to see how the subject matter was handled, especially when the performances by Michael Douglas and Matt Damon were touted as awe-inspiring.

I even know this morning that I am supposed to appear to be “intellectual” and part of the flow of our entertainment-minded society by accommodating to everybody’s wishes and making favorable remarks about this offering.

Here’s the basic premise: a guy who can play the piano and not much of anything else, who dressed like a drag queen and lied his entire life about his true personality and sexuality, while simultaneously going through a whole series of obtuse relationships, with the main one being quite emotionally abusive, ends up contracting AIDS and dies in the midst of a cover-up to still convey that he is heterosexual.

Is there anything redeemable here? In the midst of all the discussion about gay marriage and gay rights, this movie flops across the screen, essentially warning us of many of the dangers of sexual promiscuity.

It’s difficult for me to accommodate a society that does not need any traffic to involve itself in an accident. Socially, spiritually and culturally, we keep running our cars into the wall and getting out angry because our vehicles are dented, but having no one to yell at but ourselves.

Of course, we won’t do THAT.

Here I go. At the risk of coming across as out-of-step, failing to accommodate the general hum and drum of our present-day thinking:

People aren’t interesting to me unless they overcome difficulties and find a way to help others.

Creating difficulties for yourself and expanding those problems throughout your life, while displaying a single talent which garnered some sort of notoriety, is not what I call an inspirational tale.

It’s not even a cautionary tale, because it leads people to believe that you can be a successful asshole. I just think that’s an oxymoron. I think if you’re an asshole, we have good reason to question your concept of success.

I do not begrudge the talent of the actors, nor the quality of the scenes. I just think that if the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life would have had a 2013 ending, with George Bailey gunning down Mr. Potter in the street, it might not have had nearly as much lasting effect.

And I will guarantee you, even though I am tempted to accommodate my present surroundings with nods of approval, the present flow of thinking and what we deem to be enriching will be a source of mockery within two decades.

I do not wish Liberace nor his family any ill will. I think he was a very disturbed man, living in a cautious time, who chose insincerity as a protective blanket for his bewilderment.

I just don’t know why it’s a movie.

If you’re going to accommodate all of the fits and fancies of the world around you, you will always find yourself the joke of the next inspired movement that uncovers the present stupidity.