Tag Archives: nibbling

Bubonic Plague

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Bubonic plague: (n) the most common form of plague in humans, characterized by the formation of buboes

I suppose I could sit here and rattle off information about the bubonic plague based upon what I know, and try toDictionary B illuminate you on the dangers of a sickness that has not infested the Earth for hundreds of years.

Rats.

I mean–rats, I’m not going to do that.

Or you can assume I mean, rats are what caused it.

And since rats did spread the bubonic plague, somebody eventually stopped the human death toll by increasing the death toll of rats.

Wherever there are rats, there is the danger of sickness. And what are the characteristics of rats?

They hang around foul and vile substances, nibbling on them until they, themselves, become filled with the venom of disease. So when they interact with others, they spread their infection, even though for some reason it does not kill them.

Rats are immune to their own “rattiness.”

So even though the bubonic plague still exists–and I’m sure they have samples of it in laboratories where they study its composition and dangers–there are other rats we should watch out for. These are the creatures who claim to be human, but nibble on nastiness and bite people, inflicting them with indifference.

Let me just say–damn it to hell, people are just not generous to one another any more.

The rats have gotten to us.

So even though it’s unlikely that any of us will get bubonic plague, it’s still a good idea to dodge the rats.

You just never know what they’ve been slurping up. 

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Acari

by J. R. Practix

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Acari:  (n.): a large order or subclass of small arachnids that comprises the mites and ticks. They are distinguished by an apparent lack of body divisions.

I’ve had some interesting jobs in my life.

I once tried to sell encyclopedias door-to-door until I was pulled over by a policeman because the last house I went to insisted I came through their door without permission. I didn’t actually do that but, it’s hard to convince a policeman of your truthfulness when you’re an encyclopedia salesman.

I once delivered blood samples to a laboratory until one day I ran out of money to buy dry ice, and tried to get to the lab very quickly without it, and discovered the samples don’t work as well at room temperature.

I played Santa Claus, which was quite fun except for the fact that I got hungry on the job and attempted to eat the candy canes, inserting them into my mouth past my synthetic beard, only to create a hairy mess mingled in my spittle.

But today I would say that the worst job in the world would be trying to be the public relations agent for the acari. You would be at a tremendous disadvantage because most folks have no favorable rating for ticks and mites. Their percentage of appreciation would rank down with Congressmen and Senators.

Can you imagine, if that were the only job available? If it was YOUR responsibility to develop a slogan?

“Don’t be ticked off–you mite enjoy them.”

Even though that has a bit of cleverness, after the initial warmth from the hearer, the vision of nibbling ticks and mites would take over and you are back to square one.

I thought maybe you could do something like they did with Mr. Peanut–maybe a tick with a top hat and cane, doing a two-step with a mite. Underneath would be the slogan: “Yeah … but they dance!”

You see what I mean?

So as you start off your day and you’re on your way to your position of responsibility, keep in mind, there ARE jobs worse than others.

For instance, you could have the job of writing a 250-word essay of relevance … on the acari.