by J. R. Practix

Abode:  1. n. a place of residence, a house or home. 2. a sojourn or a stay

Words can freak people out.

Sometimes that’s the problem with looking things up in the dictionary–you end up thinking that a word like “abode” really sounds cool, so you mistakenly and foolishly try to use it in a sentence in the presence of your friends. So instead of referring to your house or apartment, you mention it in passing as “your abode.” It may seem really hip to do things like this, but you have to weigh the value of intellectual pursuit against the prospect of scaring your friends, making them think you’ve become a terminal nerd who is beyond redemption.

I know there is a common sensibility that the better your vocabulary becomes, the greater your potential for success. But I think there are limits. I think if you start sounding like an eighteenth century poet while you’re ordering your lunch at McDonald’s, you may be the victim of one of the classic turn-offs.

Much as I may not appreciate what I’m about to say, I have to admit it’s true. Some words have retired and are in need of collecting social security–and perhaps have entered the realm of dementia.

Abode is such a word.

If you actually did use the word “abode” in a common, everyday sentence, people would think you were either a smart-ass or that you were on the verge of becoming an interior decorator. Don’t ask me what that means. I just know it isn’t particularly good for your social interaction. So the next time you’re tempted to say “abode” instead of “house,” just remember that others who have selected that profile have ended up very alone … pretending that they enjoy reading Robert Louis Stevenson novels.