Tag Archives: specimens

Adder

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Adder: (n.) a small venomous Eurasian snake that has a dark zigzag pattern on its back and bears live young. Also called VIPER.

I just think it’s rather weird.

I am pretty sure that we are taught–or maybe a stalwart portion of our culture is instructed–that most people are deathly afraid of snakes. Even folks who will pick up a cockroach or fiddle around with a praying mantis will usually shirk at the possibility of handling an adder.

Don’t you think that’s curious? I suppose if there was a nine-month-old baby crawling along, the little tyke might go over and try to pull on the tail of the reptile, but I’m not quite positive THAT’S true. We seem to have some sort of innate dislike for snakes.

Does it have anything to do with some of the spiritual tales told in holy books? Is it just the way they look, as they slither from side to side?

I’m not sure.

But even when I see them in the zoo, which is often in a rather dark environment, I don’t really desire to stay too long, peering at them, especially if they’re moving behind the glass. Certainly there is a small handful of human souls who are in charge of taking care of these creatures, who have developed the ability to come across as functional, if not fearless.

But there is something mystifying. It seems that the more prehistoric a creature appears, the more frightening it is to us. I guess we’re more accustomed to those specimens which have evolved in our span of time.

It’s not that I’m saying that lions, tigers and bears are not equally as intimidating–it’s just that those animals don’t make our skin crawl as much.

I would love to join in a discussion on this with some people who are smarter than me, to see if there are any sociological, psychological or even spiritual aspects to this trepidation.

But I probably won’t do that.

I probably will just choose to keep my distance from the adder … even though I think being called a viper is really cool.

Abs

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abs: (n.) the abdominal muscles

I was so relieved.

I cannot tell you how worried I was, especially when I was seeing people like Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling and even a bunch of women on the movie screens, all of these individuals possessing this strange conglomeration of a knotty formation right in the middle of their stomachs, which now is commonly referred to as a “six-pack.”

I was a little concerned mainly because I did not have anything resembling this particular formation.

But I was informed by my doctor–or at least I interpreted this from her words–that I was just not born with them. Isn’t that terrific? Because if that were NOT the case, it would mean that I was lacking in some way or that it was necessary for me to learn how these outstanding specimens of physical health had achieved these configurations. But as it turns out, I do not possess the ability to acquire this.

(Now, what my doctor really said was, “You’re so fat that the muscles can’t be seen.” But I realized that she was just sending a subliminal thought to me, and I translated to, “Relax, Jon. You have other gifts besides abs.”)

For you see, my friends, we can spend our lives lamenting our lack or celebrating the party being thrown in our heads. I am overjoyed to know that by God‘s design, I am abless.

Where some people have a six-pack, God, the Father has given me … a refrigerator.