Words from Dic(tionary)

Adversary: (n) one’s opponent in a contest, conflict or dispute

I’m not so sure it’s about being an opponent.

Sometimes I think the conflict that exists between people is chemical–or certainly sensory. Our feuds and grudges are triggered by a dislike of some aspect of the personality or the appearance of our foe.

Once we get into that “grumpy” mindset, we start looking for reasons to disdain them, which is not that difficult to achieve, considering how all of us are stained with flaws and foibles.

So we end up with an adversary–someone who brings out our worst instead of our best.

It’s not exactly an enemy, although I’m sure the two words could be used synonymously. An enemy is someone who has proclaimed an intention to stand against us, no matter what. An adversary is a person who just doesn’t like how we do things, who we are, how we look or any of our choices, and therefore always wants to “nit-pick” whenever we’re around.

It is much more common that we would ever believe.

Matter of fact, I have come to believe that a large number of marital relationships are adversarial. Two people who share a bed often find it difficult to evenly distribute the covers. It makes them testy and overly sensitive.

So what should we do with an adversary?

• It’s ridiculous to continue to aggravate one by flaunting our presence.
• A suggestion is made in the Good Book that we should “reason with our adversary.” But what does that mean? Doesn’t reasoning have to begin with some reasonable respect for one another?
• I think sometimes the greatest gift I can give to someone who finds me distasteful is to not be around so often for them to sample my flavor.
• And when I find myself in their presence, I should be careful not to launch my personality, which they have already determined to be over the top.

Human life IS adversarial–we’re not going to escape it. But what we can do is refuse to become defensive by pursuing an offensive approach to those who have decided to cast their lot against us.

We just need to get over the notion that it is impossible for someone not to like us. It is not only possible–it is highly likely.

So maybe THAT’S what it means to reason with your adversary … just give ’em enough air to breathe that does not sniff of you.