by J. R. Practix

Abraham: (n.) the Hebrew patriarch from whom all Jews trace their descent.

Yeah, let’s talk about Abe.

You see, the problem is, he had two families. Like so many men, he may like to forget the first one when he finds that “love is better the second time around.” But it doesn’t change the fact that he is also the father of the Arab nation.

One daddy, two families–with one of the families somewhat ignored by Papa in favor of the other, more acceptable choice.

This whole problem in the Middle East is really just a giant family squabble. Abraham decided to take his servant girl as a lover and even though his wife approved, supposedly, she later became jealous when the baby born through the process started growing up and hit puberty.

Then the story gets all messed up. One woman gets jealous of another woman, chases her out of the scene, and a young man grows up without his daddy–but still definitely linked to him.

So you can see, it would be very difficult for the Jews and the Palestinians to come to the peace table when the Jews are convinced they are Abraham’s ONLY children and the Arabs believe they deserve a piece of the matzoh.

And Abraham comes out of this whole thing unscathed. Even Christians try to tie themselves back into the “seed of Abraham,” although Jesus made it clear that God was “able to take stones and make children of Abraham.” Matter of fact, that pretty well describes the children of Abraham, doesn’t it? Stubborn people with rocks in their heads.

We see the same situation in this country today, as people divorce and think they can maintain a couple of different families without there being any friction. It never works, though we will continue to do it simply because our lust, passions and preferences demand it.

So you can feel free to talk about the faith of Abraham–but even the Bible that tells his story lets us know that he was just a man who occasionally lied, took short cuts, and let his wife push him around, leading him to abandon a little family he’d put together, which has now turned into a great nation at odds with his other family-nation.

What a mess.

Sometimes it’s just better if you keep it in your pants–or, in the case of Abraham, your robe.