Bovine: (adj) of, relating to, or affecting cattle.
Normally on these kinds of excursions, I try to express an interest by offering the extent of what I know about their occupation or lifestyle. I don’t do this to be a know-it-all, but just to get the conversation started, so they can ramble on a bit and be my instructors.
I feel it’s the least I can do for some good meat loaf and clean sheets.
But when it came to the realm of farming and the animals that inhabit the location, I was lost. Matter of fact, when my friend took me out to his barn, I walked in and felt as if I had just landed on a really bad-smelling planet.
Yes–barns do not sniff of hay. They permeate of shit.
But I endured.
First we walked by some horses. Honest to God, I would swear that those creatures stared at me as if to say, “What in the hell are you doing in here?”
Then we arrived at the cows. The bovines.
- I was surprised at how large they were.
- I was stunned by how indifferent they seemed to my presence.
- And I was extraordinarily overwhelmed by the size of their teats.
I kind of felt like a little boy who suddenly discovered a Playboy Magazine–farm version.
I became completely befuddled when the farmer wanted me to reach down and pull on the protrusions to acquire milk. I can’t even describe the levels of squeamish that trickled down my spine. It was a combination of girly-girl “g-r-r-r-oss” and feeling like I was cheating some calf out of breakfast.
I will never forget the experience, because it is so typical of me as a person.
After all, it is much easier to discuss a cow in theory than have a face-to-face.
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