Chocolate: (n) a food preparation made from roasted and ground cacao seeds, typically sweetened.
Obesity is a bitch, because it bitches at you because you’re obese.
After all, I’ve never seen a prisoner who’s grateful for being locked up because it made him eat more vegetables.
Likewise, even though being fat does require some disciplinary action, removing the finer parts of life–for instance, chocolate– is what the constitution may have meant by “cruel and unusual punishment.”
So sometimes the prisoner locked within the fatty walls must break out and be free.
Matter of fact, it happened to me last night.
I wanted some chocolate.
Realizing that a Milky Way candy bar is in the hundreds of calories, and even a pack of M & M’s has way too much sugar, I did discover a tiny piece of delight called the Candy Kiss, which ended up being just 22 calories and 2.6 grams of sugar.
Now obviously, one Candy Kiss is not enough, especially if you’ve been locked up in solitary for a long period of time, devoid of the pleasure. But sometimes you can convince yourself to hold it to three.
Three Candy Kisses, bitten in half, creating six bites of chocolate, is a mind-boggling, soul-altering spiritual revival, with a good shout of “Hallelujah” followed by a creamy “A-men.”
Sometimes nothing will replace chocolate.
I certainly enjoy my asparagus, but I cannot truthfully say that it is related, coordinated, conjoined or entwined with the marvelous miracle of chocolate.