Cuckoo clock: (n) a wall or shelf clock, often carved and decorated, that announces the hours by a sound like the call of the cuckoo
For a very brief season, I had some money.
I did not earn it. The finance was acquired through an inheritance.
It was annoying.
Money is like a parakeet you invite into your house and no matter how hard you try to shut out the sound of the tweeting, it abides.
No matter how much I attempted to envision my money as having a station at the bank, I kept trying to bring it home for the holidays.
I wanted to spend it.
I especially wanted to buy things I would not normally buy, but would show others that in buying them, I expressed my opulence.
In everyday English, I wanted my money to brag for me.
On some days, I sat in my small office and thought about items I could purchase that would make me seem prosperous, worldly and well-traveled.
On one such occasion, a cuckoo clock came to mind.
I had always been enamored with them. The idea of a mechanism telling time while also having a little bird pop out of a door on the hour, singing a song to let me know that sixty minutes had passed, enchanted me. How adorable.
I became obsessed.
I quickly found out that they were expensive. But hell—wasn’t that the point?
I learned that the best ones came from Germany, so I suddenly became very patriotic and decided to “buy American.”
I found the best American-made cuckoo clock that was available to be purchased by a mortal such as myself.
It arrived, I opened it up, it looked beautiful, I read the instructions, had others read them with me, so we could all come to a consensus on how to get our cuckoo clock to cuckoo.
After all this was done, we hung it on the wall.
It never worked right. Not even once.
Oh, it would cuckoo—but it would cuckoo like it was cuckoo.
You know what I mean?
It was a clock that had a whim. Apparently, it disregarded the importance of time, and the bird came out to do its show whenever the clock felt like it should.
It still looked beautiful, but if people visited for more than an hour, they became aware that I had purchased a clock with a wacko bird.