Tag Archives: alphabet

B Movie

B movie: (n) a low-budget movie

Dictionary B

I have written twenty feature-length screenplays.

Thirteen of them have been made into independent films.

Let me explain something: no one sets out to make a bad movie. No one wants their movie to slip to “Letter B” in the alphabet.

There are four things that determine the fate of a movie.

1. Since it is definitely over-written, as all scripts are, picking and choosing what to cut out is similar to deciding whether you’ll cut off your hand or your foot. Yet if one is infected, the amputation is certainly necessary.

2. Bad actors can turn good sentences into question marks.

3. Editing a movie is similar to using a hatchet to trim your fingernails. In other words, if you try to speed up, there will be some blood loss.

4. The public is picky. If you shoot for a particular emotion or feeling, that reaction may not be presently available in the audiences provided.

So many movies that planned on being A rated ended up sliding from their lofty goals, further confirming–perhaps without our knowledge or permission–whatever will B will B.

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Algebra

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Algebra: (n) the part of mathematics in which letters and other general symbols are used to represent numbers and quantities in formulas and equations.

X marks the spot.

Actually, it marks the spot where I crinkled my brow and totally ceased to understand mathematics.

My high school algebra teacher was a recent immigrant from Japan who had a mastery of numbers and a limited capacity for language. He created a double whammy–I was trying to learn something that was Greek to me, with a Japanese accent.

On top of that, it was his first teaching position, having just graduated from The Ohio State University, and although he was eager to be an instructor, he was less than versed in some of the more humane possibilities.

So after he tried to explain algebra to me for the fourth time, he became frustrated and started to curse. It was in Japanese, but I will tell you that swearing has the same intensity in every langauge.

I don’t know what it was about algebra. For some reason, I was granted a B in the subject, even though I have no concept about the process whatsoever.

Imagine my glee when the next year I discovered that I would be taking Algebra II. It was very similar to the sensation of, “even though I’ve never been on a date, here is the woman I am going to marry.”

Honestly, I have never used algebra in my whole life. Perhaps I could have put it to some practical purpose, but that would have required that I understand its value, in order to know what purpose would have been practical.

Candidly, I toil under the concept of eduction. What I mean is, I do believe there are things we are taught which may not have any immediate value to our lives, but still have an esoteric importance.

Flatly, they make us seem civilized.

So I’m happy to report that I actually survived a semester of algebra, and Algebra II, and then ran out of the room in horror at the mere mention of calculus.

So for me: X=the 24th letter of the alphabet.

 

ABCs

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

ABCs: n  the alphabet.

That cursed little kiddy-song about the ABCs is certainly the melodic crack cocaine which I still find myself addicted to as an adult, often completely unable to remember any singular letter without performing the entire ensemble. For years, as a kid, I was convinced that L-M-N-O-P were really just one letter, cohabitating many spiritual forms, since they are sung together so quickly.

I think we may be missing an opportunity to ingrain our young children with other equally as intoxicating melodic subliminal messages, to forever affect their lives.

How about this, for instance? (Sung to the same tune as the ABCs):

Al-ways be nice, clean your room,

Treat your mom and dad real well

Don’t hit little friends you know

And grow up making lots of dough

A doctor, yes–lawyer, sure

Go and find a cancer cure

Then you’ll make your parents glad

And the neighbors jealous and mad.

Then you’ll be the envy of all

Rule the world and have a ball.

You see what I mean? We could control the destiny of our offspring and channel them towards prosperity simply by forcing that particular tune into their brains.

It worked for the ABCs. I am adrift on a sea of numerals, “Roman the waves,”  without the song.

Music may be the answer to the world’s problems. And if it isn’t, I don’t give politics much of a chance, either…