Communique

Communique: (n) an official announcement or statement, especially one made to the media

My official communique to America:

President Donald Trump is our leader. It is now time for one group to stop incessantly complaining and another group to cease pumping their
fists as if they just landed on the moon wearing only Bermuda shorts.

This is our system.

We place someone in the White House.

You may feel free to debate whether we actually “elect” them, or rather, “process” them into the position, like Velveeta cheese spread.

If we believe our main problem is the person who is sleeping in the White House, then we suffer the slings and arrows of stupidity which come our way because we fail to recognize our true difficulty.

When I was a younger man, I would caution people not to treat people like dogs.

Now my message has changed.

Please–treat people like dogs, because you obviously love them, respect them and honor them more than you do human beings.

Until we can regain our sanity and realize that certain activities are not choices, but rather, anti-human race, we will have worse problems than whether someone we like sits in a chair in the Oval Office.

So the communique is very simple: look to yourself and those of your household, and make sure that your neighbors are being treated as well as Rover, Jr.

If they are, then you can stop worrying about the future of our country. Goodness has a tendency to get a grip and take hold.

 

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Announce

dictionary with letter A

Announce: (v) to make a public and typical formal declaration

I attended a wedding.

It was a festive affair, as they often are. I don’t know of anything quite like marriage, which gains such optimism and steam during the reception, only to be regaled as nearly hopeless by the time the guests reach the parking lot.

But I digress.

At this wedding, there was a flurry of toasts given to the bride and groom. In the midst of these salutes, one young gentleman stood to his feet, lifting his glass to the recently betrothed, and said, “I want to announce that I got a job on Thursday that pays 47K a year, which is a step up for me.”

There was a pause. You could sense the reasoning in the entire room.

  • Yes, this is obviously an unnecessary announcement for this moment.
  • Yes, it reeks a bit of selfishness.
  • Of course, it will keep some awkwardness in the air, until we are well into the cake-cutting ceremony.

At length, someone trickled off a limp representation of applause, duplicated by those souls most forbearing.

Our announcer was completely satisfied, smiled at the entire room, tipped his glass and drank it down.

Now, I was intrigued. I watched him for the next ten minutes as he beamed to those around him his glee over his recent acquisition, hoping to receive adulation, only being compensated with nervous nods.

Announcements are nice. Three things are important for them, though:

1. They should be on point, and not obtuse.

2. They should benefit the common good of the hearers available.

3. They should be doused in humility and a bit of reluctance, so there’s more joy coming from others than hemorrhaging off the speaker’s ego.

To conclude my story, I will tell you that the person who followed our bizarre announcer with the next toast was careful to elongate it with sufficient focus and praise back onto the blissful duo.

It’s the beauty of life.

For every fool who poops in the middle of the road, God seems to send a patient soul behind him … with a pooper scooper.

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