Tag Archives: Brad Pitt

Achilles

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAchilles: a hero of the Trojan War. During his infancy his mother plunged him into the Styx, making his body invulnerable except for the heel by which she held him. During the Trojan War, Achilles killed Hector but was later wounded in the heel by an arrow shot by Paris, and died.

Since I saw the movie, Troy, Achilles will always be Brad Pitt to me. Or maybe it’s that Brad Pitt will always be Achilles. Whichever floats your boat. And speaking of floating your boat … Supposedly Helen of Troy had an affair with Paris, which started a war and launched a thousand ships.

If you watch the movie, you see the portrayal of a very arrogant, self-sufficient, mean-spirited, dark, quizzical and I suppose to the average woman between the ages of fourteen and twenty-five, sexy Achilles.

He liked killing people.

That should be one of the classic turn-offs, but it seemed to be very exciting to his fellow-fighters and all the women who met him. He was rather ruthless, which the Greeks, who touted themselves to be such a scholarly bunch, still extolled as noble. He considered himself to be invincible, which lends itself to a bit of foolishness and certainly makes one obnoxious.

What did I learn about Achilles? I relearned the very valuable lesson that half of what I believe about myself is only true because it hasn’t been tested, and the other half, that has been tested, I do not believe, for some reason or another, to be sufficient to my needs.

We are all foolish when we think that because we haven’t yet met an enemy who can take us down, that we are beyond conquering. And we’re also quite silly when we downplay the TRUE virtues of our soul and talent, deeming them insignificant.

If Achilles had just been a good soldier, treated people better, and had not run into battle believing he was made of titanium, he probably could have lived to a ripe old age, had children and been deeply respected by the world around him. Instead, he let his ego drive his mission rather than using common sense and restraint.

It’s doubtful that dipping him in the River Styx actually achieved the purpose of making him supernatural. It sure did give him a lot of confidence, though–that is, until somebody shot an arrow in just the right place.

Interesting. Since we talk about Achilles, I wonder if that’s where we got the phrase, “that person’s a real heel.”

Accede

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Accede:  (n.): 1. assent or agree to a demand, request or treaty 2. assume an office or position

I think I’ve got it figured out.

If we ever want to have a good President of the United States, we must track down the best candidate, hunt him or her as they try to escape the responsibility, place this magical individual in a cage, throw him or her into the White House and refuse to feed the captive or allow him or her to bathe until they agree to govern us.

As long as we are VOTING for people who actually think they ARE worthy to be the leaders of the free world and the controllers of the most destructive forces ever conceived by mankind, we will end up with a cavalcade of clowns who are trying to climb out of the same car to race across the tarmac to Air Force One.

The only truly acceptable profile of anyone looking at the job of President of the United States–to accede to that office–would be to accede that this particular position should not be occupied by a mere mortal.

To me, it would be similar to discovering that Brad Pitt had left Angelina Jolie and that I was the logical candidate to replace him in her life by purchasing an air ticket to her city of residence, toting a dozen red roses and an engagement ring. You see, there are so many presumptions in that particular thought that it would be difficult to dissect it without it falling apart in your hands.

Maybe I am too humbled by everything.

  • Because I have not always owned brand new cars, every time I put my key in the ignition of my current vehicle, I am delighted nearly to the point of tears when it starts.
  • I am humbled to be a father–especially on those occasions when my children’s successes have certainly exceeded my efforts.
  • I am humbled when I stand in front of an audience and share my thoughts. Why should they care? Why should they listen?

Sometimes the best person for the job is the reluctant one, who’s trying to slip out the door before the voting begins.

But in this craziness of assumed democracy, how can we ever get the best man or woman for the job–when the sound of chest-thumping overwhelms the voice of reason?

Abs

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abs: (n.) the abdominal muscles

I was so relieved.

I cannot tell you how worried I was, especially when I was seeing people like Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling and even a bunch of women on the movie screens, all of these individuals possessing this strange conglomeration of a knotty formation right in the middle of their stomachs, which now is commonly referred to as a “six-pack.”

I was a little concerned mainly because I did not have anything resembling this particular formation.

But I was informed by my doctor–or at least I interpreted this from her words–that I was just not born with them. Isn’t that terrific? Because if that were NOT the case, it would mean that I was lacking in some way or that it was necessary for me to learn how these outstanding specimens of physical health had achieved these configurations. But as it turns out, I do not possess the ability to acquire this.

(Now, what my doctor really said was, “You’re so fat that the muscles can’t be seen.” But I realized that she was just sending a subliminal thought to me, and I translated to, “Relax, Jon. You have other gifts besides abs.”)

For you see, my friends, we can spend our lives lamenting our lack or celebrating the party being thrown in our heads. I am overjoyed to know that by God‘s design, I am abless.

Where some people have a six-pack, God, the Father has given me … a refrigerator.