Coagulant

Coagulate: (v) to change a fluid into a solid

Every once in a while, my silly little boy shows up to take over my manly frame.

For what I hope is a brief time, I start thinking like a child or an adolescent instead of taking advantage of the library of my journey.

One day I convinced myself I was having a heart attack. Of course, the more I considered that my heart was being attacked, the more abundantly symptoms leaped to the forefront to do their best imitation, trying to reinforce my foolishness.

Eventually I found it necessary to drive to the emergency room and check in.

Well, nobody questioned my contention because…well, because I’m fat. After all, that’s what fat people do. They eat too much cake and pizza and have heart attacks. Since I wasn’t eating, the possibility of cardiac arrest was available.

So they put me on a treatment while they tried to figure out what to do with me. One of the things they gave me was an anti-coagulant. This is a drug that keeps your blood from clotting. I didn’t think anything about it.

But when it turned out that I had mingled a case of indigestion with an anxiety attack to simulate a cardiac event, they sent me home. They offered one warning: “Keep in mind, if you cut yourself, it’ll be very difficult to stop the bleeding.”

I ignored them.

That evening when I went into my bathroom to shave, I did nick myself. I put a little piece of toilet paper on it, as gents often do, but it continued to bleed down my neck, over and over and over again.

I do not know when it eventually coagulated, because I had to lay down and wrap it in gauze.

Whatever they intended for that particular drug was very effective.

I could not coagulate.

So as it turns out, on that particular day my greatest danger was not having a heart attack, but rather, bleeding to death from shaving.

 

 

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Blizzard

Blizzard: (n) a severe snowstorm with high winds and low visibility.

Dictionary B

Actually, a blizzard is just more than I want.

I will call it a blizzard because it has met my disapproval and it is inconvenient:

  • A blizzard of activity
  • A blizzard of problems.
  • And of course, a blizzard of snow.

Many years ago, driving home, I found myself in the midst of one of those classic midwest winter squalls. I had an old car which had a heater with memories but no present evidence, and bald tires, which were known to slip even on rain.

Listening to the radio, I was informed that we were in the midst of a blizzard. Being a young man and not having my frontal lobe fully in place, I freaked out. I began to imagine myself sliding off the road, landing in the ditch and freezing to death before I could be discovered by some perseverant mailman who was paid to deliver his goods no matter what.

I tried to calm myself down, but a blizzard of fear entered my blizzard of misunderstanding and created a blizzard of anxiety. My heart rate went up and I was convinced that I was about to experience cardiac arrest.

It was enough just to keep the car on the road, but I decided to add an anxiety attack, just to keep things interesting.

Somehow or another, I managed to drive the fifteen miles to my house, climb the stairs and make it inside. I drank a cup of hot tea and my heart attack went away. (I can recommend the cure.)

Now I realize how we name things affects our view of life, which determines the energy we place in our endeavors.

In other words, you never achieve more traction by calling a flurry a blizzard.

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