Tag Archives: choke

Cigar

Cigar: (n) a cylinder of tobacco rolled in tobacco leaves for smoking.

I work very hard at being a man.

I thought having a penis and a beard would be sufficient, but turns out, both of those things are too common to set you apart from the herd.

“Manly things done by manly men in a manly way.”

What in the hell is that?

But you shouldn’t question it too much, because that brings up the possibility of you being gay, which is not a bad thing anymore, but might connote that you are “soft.”

You know what soft is, right? Neither team wants you.

Women think you’re nice for conversation and men keep wondering when you’re going to finally turn gay.

That’s the way I feel about cigars.

I get offered cigars a lot–and by a lot, I mean more than once. People who smoke cigars are historians. They not only know all the details of the little brown tube, but where it began, who smokes this particular brand, how illegal they are, and an absolute plethora of adjectives to describe the smoothness of the taste.

In my lifetime I have smoked two cigarettes and three cigars. (Yay! Cigars win!) Anyway, I can’t truthfully tell you that I adequately partook of either experience. I did not inhale. Just like President Clinton, my morality suddenly clicked in right before taking a deep breath. So the smoke remained in my mouth, barely escaping into my nose–where it stung really, really, really bad. I struggled not to choke. (God, please don’t let me choke! I’m sitting in front of someone I want to impress and I don’t want to be choking on the $54 cigar he just presented to me.)

Yet it was unpleasant.

For two days, no matter how much teeth brushing or mouth-washing I did, cigar residue clung to the inside cave of my mouth.

I have nothing against cigarettes or cigars from an ethical or moral position, but if it’s going to be a symbol of manliness, please mark me down: “N for neuter.”

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Choke

Choke: (n) an action or sound of a person or animal having or seeming to have difficulty in breathing.

Webster certainly afforded us an adequate definition for “choke,” but the one that comes to my mind has to do with the “give-up, check-out
and throw-in-the-towel” instinct which permeates our species.

Sometimes we get just as comfortable with pity cheers as congratulatory shouts.

You know pity cheers:

  • “It’s okay. You did your best.”
  • “I don’t know if anyone could have done that.”
  • “You’ll get them next time.”
  • “God sees your effort.”
  • “Who knows? Maybe you made a difference without knowing it.”

If you ever allow your ears to get used to hearing these pitiful exhortations, you might just find yourself living in a damned condition, without yet being deceased.

Choking is what human beings do when they try to swallow too much, whether it’s physical chunks of steak, lies or claims to fame.

This is a world that demands evidence, not confidence. Those who try to live off of confidence eventually choke under the pressure and end up looking like losers, even though we dress it up with bunting and invite a small brass band to cheer things along.

There’s a simple principle in life: overestimating your ability is not a sign of faith.

Faith starts with something substantial, and based upon that realization, is willing to carefully speculate on how much further things can be taken.

You don’t get many “chokes” before you die. You may not physically die, but the love, tenacity, gentleness and appreciation of your friends and loved ones is suffocated.

 

 

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Ablaze

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Ablaze: adj. 1. burning fiercely: his clothes were ablaze 2. brightly colored or lighted: New  England is ablaze with color. 3. made bright by strong emotion: His eyes were ablaze with anger.
“Let me stand next to your fire.”
That’s what Jimmi Hendrix sang in an attempt to seduce a woman.

But let me tell you–if you have ever stood next to a building ablaze, you won’t soon be requesting to return. Fire is one of those entities that cannot be captured on film, written into books or even viewed at a distance to determine its magnitude and intensity.

I’ve only been involved in one fire in my life. It was at a motel and I realized that if I moved in closer than a hundred feet, the combination of the burning air, smoke choking my lungs and the ferocity of the flames would drive me back, keeping me from the searing danger.

You can certainly understand why Biblical writers used the intimidation of “the fires of hell” to frighten people into good behavior. The next morning after this fire that I witnessed, even though I did stand way back from the peril, I still ended up with what appeared to be a sunburn from the heat. So I have great respect for ablaze.

And even those people who decide to be ablaze with personality can certainly burn you–or choke the life out of you.