Tag Archives: confidante

Beau

Beau: (n) a boyfriend or male admirer.Dictionary B

Although I don’t want to be considered a curmudgeon, there are certain words that rile me up.

One of them is “boyfriend.” And honestly, I am not any more enamored with the use of “beau.”

It is my discovery that to be a friend to a female, the last thing I need to be is a boy. Equally disappointing to the average woman is when we don the persona of man.

The reason we contend there’s a battle of the sexes is because we posture in our gender and insist on our uniqueness, making us a goddam threat. We don’t tolerate such an exclusive approach in other situations:

We don’t allow butchers to cut up our pets because they’re off work and miss the job.

We don’t permit teenagers to insist they don’t need to be part of the social structure because they’re too busy dealing with the angst of their acne.

Yet for some reason, it appears to be acceptable to hide behind the “guise of the guys” and the “mystique of the feminine.”

It’s hilarious–especially when you get around people in their senior years, who find themselves ingloriously dating, introducing their male partner as a “boyfriend.”

I have just found that the best way to get along with a woman is to make it clear that you do not consider her an acquisition, but rather, a confidante.

Adding the word “boy” inserts way to much testosterone.

And if you insist on being called “beau” in order to avoid boyfriend… then you add too much grits and gravy.

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Babe

Babe: (n) an affectionate form of address, typically for someone with whom one has a sexual or romantic relationship.

Perhaps unfortunately, there is no DUI for romance.Dictionary B

If you drive under the influence of alcohol, you can be arrested and cited for your actions. But in the heat of passion, when the hormones are pulsing, all of us are susceptible to doing various actions, performing weird functions and saying obtuse things with no embarrassment or punishment whatsoever.

I, for instance, have affectionately called a woman a “babe, my baby” or “sweetie-sweet.” Even as I transport these phrases into this article, I feel silly.

But in the heat of the moment, when I was trying to be sexy in my limited capacity, it seemed righteous.

Yet I can tell you, I do not know if we’ll ever achieve equality between the sexes as long as women are referred to as “babes.” Although I know it is meant to be affectionate, let us consider what the term implies:

  1. You don’t know how to talk–you gurgle.
  2. You drool a lot.
  3. You have stinky in your pants.
  4. You need help with almost everything you do.
  5. You’re only interesting when you do cute things.
  6. Don’t inconvenience me or wake me up in the middle of the night.
  7. I don’t trust you with anything I own because you might break it.

Well, I could go on and on. I don’t know whether a woman can be my confidante, partner and equal if I perceive her to be a newborn.

I am leering over her physical attributes much more than her mental acuity.

But it seems there’s nothing that will stop the onslaught of dopiness which pours from us… as we go through the festering need to mate.

 

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