Cutie-pie: (n) darling; sweetheart; sweetie (often used as a term of endearment).

Here are some of my simple requests:

Have a bedroom.

In other words, if you’re madly in love with someone, don’t make out in front of everybody—groping and breathlessly moaning. Take the time to purchase, procure, sublet or acquire a bedroom. Thank you very much.


Once in that bedroom, please lock the door.

I don’t want to stumble upon you. I don’t want to accidentally think that it’s a good time for me to take a shower and discover you in various Kama Sutra poses. Please, buy a solid lock and use it to protect the children, me, yourselves and even the dog.

And finally, I would like you to be courteous when you’re in the midst of your Amazonian ritual:

Turn on some background music to cover up the sounds of sexual lingo.

I know that under the control of “sex dust” humans are capable of cooing almost anything:






And of course:


These expressions may be meaningful to you in the midst of your gauntlet but to those standing outside or walking by, they produce gut-wrenching nausea.

Let us review

  • Bedroom
  • Locked door
  • Music to cover the “sweet’ums” that fall from your lips in the pursuit of the wow factor.


funny wisdom on words that begin with a C


Babe: (n) an affectionate form of address, typically for someone with whom one has a sexual or romantic relationship.

Perhaps unfortunately, there is no DUI for romance.Dictionary B

If you drive under the influence of alcohol, you can be arrested and cited for your actions. But in the heat of passion, when the hormones are pulsing, all of us are susceptible to doing various actions, performing weird functions and saying obtuse things with no embarrassment or punishment whatsoever.

I, for instance, have affectionately called a woman a “babe, my baby” or “sweetie-sweet.” Even as I transport these phrases into this article, I feel silly.

But in the heat of the moment, when I was trying to be sexy in my limited capacity, it seemed righteous.

Yet I can tell you, I do not know if we’ll ever achieve equality between the sexes as long as women are referred to as “babes.” Although I know it is meant to be affectionate, let us consider what the term implies:

  1. You don’t know how to talk–you gurgle.
  2. You drool a lot.
  3. You have stinky in your pants.
  4. You need help with almost everything you do.
  5. You’re only interesting when you do cute things.
  6. Don’t inconvenience me or wake me up in the middle of the night.
  7. I don’t trust you with anything I own because you might break it.

Well, I could go on and on. I don’t know whether a woman can be my confidante, partner and equal if I perceive her to be a newborn.

I am leering over her physical attributes much more than her mental acuity.

But it seems there’s nothing that will stop the onslaught of dopiness which pours from us… as we go through the festering need to mate.


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