Cutie-Pie

Cutie-pie: (n) darling; sweetheart; sweetie (often used as a term of endearment).

Here are some of my simple requests:

Have a bedroom.

In other words, if you’re madly in love with someone, don’t make out in front of everybody—groping and breathlessly moaning. Take the time to purchase, procure, sublet or acquire a bedroom. Thank you very much.

Secondly:

Once in that bedroom, please lock the door.

I don’t want to stumble upon you. I don’t want to accidentally think that it’s a good time for me to take a shower and discover you in various Kama Sutra poses. Please, buy a solid lock and use it to protect the children, me, yourselves and even the dog.

And finally, I would like you to be courteous when you’re in the midst of your Amazonian ritual:

Turn on some background music to cover up the sounds of sexual lingo.

I know that under the control of “sex dust” humans are capable of cooing almost anything:

“Babe”

“Bay”

“Sweetie”

“Lover”

“Precious”

And of course:

“Cutie-pie”

These expressions may be meaningful to you in the midst of your gauntlet but to those standing outside or walking by, they produce gut-wrenching nausea.

Let us review

  • Bedroom
  • Locked door
  • Music to cover the “sweet’ums” that fall from your lips in the pursuit of the wow factor.

 

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Comment

Comment: (n) a verbal or written remark expressing an opinion or reaction.

Having abandoned journalism, many forms of etiquette, courtesy and basic grammar, the Internet continues to pass along ideas from people who refuse to accept the fact that others have a creative bend and require consideration.

Somewhere in the past two decades we have lost the true definition of commenting. Let me begin by telling you what it is not.

A comment is not you offering an opinion. In other words, if someone writes an article stating that the President of the United States is a great historical figure filled with virtue, a comment would be on the writer’s approach, delivery, information and process in drawing conclusions. A comment is not jotting down, “Idiot, moron, and son-of-a-bitch” with multiple exclamation points. (A single exclamation point is supposed to express great passion. When I see two, I perceive stupidity.)

Commenting is letting folks know how what they had to share, think, or even a meal you prepared was received. It is not replacing their input with your dogma–feeling as if this resolves the issue for all time.

Often my children recommend a movie to me. If I watch it, I offer the following comment:

“I can see why you liked it. Maybe I wasn’t in the mood for this movie on the night I watched it, but I did not garner the usual impact or inspiration that I normally enjoy from a flick. It is certainly the kind that I normally do pursue, but this particular one left me cold. Maybe it’s because I don’t understand what the writer and director were trying to communicate.”

This is commenting–a blend of honesty and humility allowing the person who has shared to leave the house without fear of being gunned down by a maniac.

I welcome comments.

I make errors.

But I do not give you permission to ravage my material simply because it busted out the walls of your mental one-room sublet.

 

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