Tag Archives: crazed

Attorney

Attorney: (n) a person appointed to act for another in business or legal matters.dictionary with letter A

A friend of mine was going through a nasty divorce.

She was desperately in need of getting away from an abusive husband, but unfortunately had limited funds. Also unfortunately, my bank account mirrored hers.

So she combed through the Yellow Pages and found an attorney who advertised reduced rates. She called him up and he optimistically told her of a plan of action to get out of her marriage for a mere $250.

It was the best deal available so my dear friend jumped on the opportunity and signed on the dotted line.

Everything went along fine at first–until the renegade husband decided to contest. Apparently, our attorney had missed some classes on “contesting.” He seemed completely baffled as to what to do when things did not go exactly by the step-by-step plan in his “paint-by-lawyering” kit.

So he failed to file papers on time, creating an absolute mess for the custody of the children, which eventually led to the crazed gentleman abducting the offspring and generating a plot which might have been suitable for a “Law and Order” episode.

When confronted with his inept handling of the situation, the attorney replied, “Yeah. I probably should have done that, but I didn’t.”

That was it.

My friend thought about asking for a refund but then it occurred to her:

When you go seeking for a discount, you may not be able to “discount” the results.

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Abakan

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAbakan: an industrial city in south central Russia, capital of the republic of Kaskaskia, population 154,000.

For me, it was my grandfather’s root cellar. Now, if you don’t know what a root cellar is, it is an unfinished basement in an old farmhouse where they used to keep potatoes and various produce to make it last longer before rotting.

It was a scary place. It had stone steps that wound around a corner into the darkness, and as a child I was frightened to death to even open the door and look within. Matter of fact, my Grandpa died and the house was sold before I ever worked up the courage to know what was around the bend in the darkness.

Likewise, being raised in America during the time of the Cold War, I have much the same feeling about Russia. It is my geopolitical root cellar.  When you mention ANYTHING in Russia–like Abakan–I immediately get visions of the Soviet Union with wild-eyed, crazed Cossacks, hunching over big, red buttons, trying to decide whether today is the day that they will murder the imperialist Americans.

Now, I now know this isn’t true. I am a fairly sophisticated, intelligent person who has read a newspaper or two, and has even occasionally perused a news magazine. I understand that Russia is not out to get James Bond, nor is it trying to murder young children–or for that matter, brainwash us through socialist media to become communists ourselves.

But still, there is a chill that goes down my spine when I hear the word “Russia.”

I feel ashamed. I think it’s time for me to give my own version of “To Russia, With Love.” But I am reluctant. I still fear that around the corner there is a dark place lurking to swallow young boys who shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

Aren’t we all silly? But after all, silliness is often just belief that has not yet been exposed.