Tag Archives: duct tape

Blew

Blew: (v) past tense of blow

Dictionary BThere is great human wisdom in refusing to allow others to rob us of our moment of honesty.

If they need to extract the truth from us, we will lose all the brownie points from uttering it.

If we’re at the mercy of the scrutiny of critics, we will suddenly find ourselves living in a society in which critics have as much prominence as those who create.

The most powerful statement I will ever make in my life is, “I blew it”–especially if I’m able to squeeze in that confession before others leap upon my carcass.

Matter of fact, let’s look at the conjugation of this process:

  • I blow things.
  • I blew this.
  • It is blown.

A delightful process.

First of all, to have the courtesy to warn people that we are capable of blowing it.

Then to inform the tourists that the journey will be interrupted by the fact that we blew it.

And finally, to have that intelligence to know that something is blown and beyond repair, instead of reaching for the duct tape.

It’s inevitable.

I will need to admit that I blew it so I will not continue to chase the tail of what ends up being a dead dog.

Therefore, be careful.

When you think something is going to be a breeze, you are more likely to “blow it.”

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Abduct

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAbduct: v.  to take someone away illegally by force or deception; kidnap.

I think I could sell that product.

I think I could make an infomercial and take in millions of dollars off of a new idea called Ab-Duct. It would be a duct-tape, manufactured in flesh colors, which you wrap around your midsection to produce the illusion of tight abs. I would sell a pen set along with the Ab-Duct, so you could draw in the muscles to make it look more authentic.

I think I even have a by-line: “Use our tape to bind up your faults and weaknesses and kidnap your flab.”

What do you think?

Of course, you’d have to offer the warning that if you kept the tape on too long it might cause you to get gangrene and die. But other than that, for like two hours of GUARANTEED leanness, you could have your flesh-colored duct tape completely holding in the more “gutteral” parts of your being.

Another possible weakness is that the fat that had settled into your lower Mississippi delta would push up to the top, making it appear that you had sprouted breasts. But this could be overcome, I’m sure, in some sort of marketing angle, or just the suggestion that you never remove your clothing.

Ab-Duct:  for those who want to capture their plumpness–and once and for all, win the Battle of the Bulge.