Connive

Connive: (v) to secretly allow bad things to occur

Do you want to live a happier life?

That may sound like the beginning of an infomercial, but there is a way to live a more powerful existence.

Simply make sure you do the things you want to do, not the things other people are doing–and don’t sit around acting discouraged because the world is a mess.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Let’s start off with a cleansing principle:

Your children are your children as long as they live in your house and receive an allowance. Once they leave the house, they may love you dearly, but they yearn to be their own person.

If you follow their careers, their actions and their whims too closely, you will find yourself conniving to either justify what they do or imitate it.

Or take this into consideration:

We may have a government in Washington, D.C. that is corrupt. This does not give us a free pass to come up with our own rendition of corruption. We do not have permission to connive deals and lie to our friends, families and working associates because it appears to be the popular pastime.

Happiness is when you find what you want to do and you do it, even if you’re the only person who has found it.

I want to make it clear–I do love my family, but not enough to follow their ways nor to stall my life to gain their approval.

 

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Abduct

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAbduct: v.  to take someone away illegally by force or deception; kidnap.

I think I could sell that product.

I think I could make an infomercial and take in millions of dollars off of a new idea called Ab-Duct. It would be a duct-tape, manufactured in flesh colors, which you wrap around your midsection to produce the illusion of tight abs. I would sell a pen set along with the Ab-Duct, so you could draw in the muscles to make it look more authentic.

I think I even have a by-line: “Use our tape to bind up your faults and weaknesses and kidnap your flab.”

What do you think?

Of course, you’d have to offer the warning that if you kept the tape on too long it might cause you to get gangrene and die. But other than that, for like two hours of GUARANTEED leanness, you could have your flesh-colored duct tape completely holding in the more “gutteral” parts of your being.

Another possible weakness is that the fat that had settled into your lower Mississippi delta would push up to the top, making it appear that you had sprouted breasts. But this could be overcome, I’m sure, in some sort of marketing angle, or just the suggestion that you never remove your clothing.

Ab-Duct:  for those who want to capture their plumpness–and once and for all, win the Battle of the Bulge.