Tag Archives: extermination

Coronary

Coronary: (adj) of or relating to the human heart, with respect to health.

There are really only four choices.

There may be varieties—but when you completely boil it down, there are a quartet of ways that life uses to get us off the planet.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

And we will leave. How we leave is what is perplexing—and I’m afraid may take up too much of our time contemplating.

You can croak by disease, make your eternal journey by accident, be blown away and murdered, or you can have a coronary—your heart suddenly deciding not only to quit, but to walk off the job.

These four loom and threaten the human race with personal extermination

I am normal (at least I think I am.) I have done my fair share of fidgeting over all the possibilities.

For a while, I didn’t want to watch medical shows on TV because I was in danger of sprouting the symptoms of the diseases they discussed.

There are times when I’m driving, and I envision what it might be like to be rolled over by an eighteen-wheeler.

Of course, in the middle of the night when I hear that sound creaking in my house, I wonder if it’s a murderous Second Amendment advocate, coming to prove to me why I should have a gun.

And because I am a chubby, overweight, even a sometimes-considered-fat fellow, the possibility of my heart disrupting my future plans is never a distant thought.

The problem with all such consideration is that it leads to anxiety.

Anxiety not only robs us of time, but also simulates our death in our mind, wasting precious moments we could be using to, shall we say, literally dodge the bullet.


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Cockroach

Cockroach: (n) a beetlelike insect with long antennae and legs, feeding by scavenging

If you wish to impress someone, tell him or her that you’re planning on preparing and serving lobster for dinner.

If for some reason, you are in need of getting rid of an old friend, or just want to keep someone out of your hair, tell him or her you have to get home to set roach traps.

Cockroaches are not just bugs.

They aren’t merely creatures crawling on the Earth, sharing space with us during our sojourn.

There are many annoying things about them. Actually, they hit on ALL the frustration buttons available, sending human beings into a tizzy.

  1. They have been around longer than we have, and according to scientific projections, will be sweeping up after we leave.
  2. They have no standards whatsoever for the joints they frequent, so they carry disease and gunk with them everywhere they go.
  3. They are sneaky, but once they have proof that you’re incapable of destroying them, they’re very willing to crawl into your living room while you’re binge-watching your favorite show and peer at you, mocking you, with full confidence in their little tiny grubby hearts that you will not get up and squash them.
  4. They multiply very quickly and their children seem more obedient to their cause then our own.
  5. And of course, they’re a symbol and stigma of poverty, and perhaps the definition for having a filthy house.

This just pisses us off. Cockroaches don’t care.

They can be exterminated, but not terminated.

They can be discouraged, but not overtaken.

And they can be insulted, and roll right back over to crawl around with their nasty, hairy legs–through all of our things.

I don’t like cockroaches.

I don’t think cockroaches like me.

I’ve had cockroaches.

I fear that cockroaches have had me.

I don’t think we’ll ever work out a deal.

But I hope that someday, when they inherit the Earth, there will be some creature to come along that gives them the creeps.

 

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