Cuticle (n) the epidermis that surrounds the edges of the fingernail or toenail.

Being healthy is a good thing.

There’s nothing particularly insightful in that statement. But may I follow with this thought?

Being worried about your health is the Suck Master of Life.

This is why I am careful not to watch too many shows on Discovery Channel or programs about bizarre medical procedures—because in no time at all, I am perfectly capable of sprouting some of the symptoms, with actual visual evidence.

I’m not normally paranoid but am willing to be flexible.

In other words, I can go pretty nuts wondering if I’m nuts.

I can get a queasy stomach just thinking about indigestion.

And I can sprout a headache at the mere mention of a brain tumor.

Yet, knowing this about myself, I accidentally watched a program on the danger signs of disease that can be found in our cuticles and fingernails.

  • What happens when they’re yellow?
  • Should we run to the doctor if they’re brittle?
  • Do white spots on your nails mean you have a calcium deficiency?

After all, human beings and other primates are the only animals who have nails.

Watching this particular documentary, I learned that men’s nails grow faster than women’s. Worse, the nail on one finger grow at a different speed than another. (It’s a little unnerving to realize that even my fingernails are competitive with each other.)

It was reassuring to learn that typing is good for your nails—except that I don’t do typing anymore. I have someone who takes my dictation and achieves the job in one-tenth the time.

Water is very helpful for healthy nails, and cuticles are there because they protect the tips of our fingers from infection.

One of the things that made me giggle was that they had a two-minute expose about the danger of cutting your nails in the dark.

Yet, when it was all said and done—and I calmed down my internal gag reflex—I realized one thing:

My nails probably won’t kill me.

And, as Kelly Clarkson once said, what doesn’t kill you helps you open packages.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C


Coronation: (n) the ceremony of crowning a king, queen, or other sovereign.

In an age of the release of information so quickly that it is impossible to ascertain its veracity, and a populous that has become so starved for the bizarre, the unbecoming and the naughty that the appetite seems to be endless, we just might be in need of having a coronation of certain values, ideas, hopes, dreams and freedoms. funny wisdom on words that begin with a COtherwise we begin to question aspects of our lives which no longer require challenging, but still, could well use some practicing.

For instance, it’s impossible to do away with lying unless we’re willing to admit that truth really does make one free.

It would be completely implausible to reject the coarse immorality of the human animal unless we became convinced that we are all constantly taking our minds for a walk through the gutter.

And unless we spoofed—dare I say, mocked?—the idea of kindness—making sure that in every television show and nearly every movie, that those who pursue such a path are bludgeoned to death by some perpetrator—how could we explain our profile of being curt and uncaring?

Somewhere along the line, we have convinced ourselves that human beings are jungle creatures, rather than having now emerged from the jungle.

There is a difference, you know.

Case in point: I will not tolerate my family dog getting hungry in the middle of the night and reverting back to being a wolf, eating my newborn baby. I request of my live-in pet that it step away from such instincts and tendencies.

I certainly will not be pleased if my previously promiscuous spouse arises from her bed and goes out and sells herself on the street for an hour, insisting that she had “lapsed” into former evolutionary predilections.

It is a great joy to be a human being, but it also comes with responsibility.

It requires that we maintain a “kingly and queenly” approach to portions of life that are sacred, holy, beautiful and certainly worthy of coronation.

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Coronary: (adj) of or relating to the human heart, with respect to health.

There are really only four choices.

There may be varieties—but when you completely boil it down, there are a quartet of ways that life uses to get us off the planet.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

And we will leave. How we leave is what is perplexing—and I’m afraid may take up too much of our time contemplating.

You can croak by disease, make your eternal journey by accident, be blown away and murdered, or you can have a coronary—your heart suddenly deciding not only to quit, but to walk off the job.

These four loom and threaten the human race with personal extermination

I am normal (at least I think I am.) I have done my fair share of fidgeting over all the possibilities.

For a while, I didn’t want to watch medical shows on TV because I was in danger of sprouting the symptoms of the diseases they discussed.

There are times when I’m driving, and I envision what it might be like to be rolled over by an eighteen-wheeler.

Of course, in the middle of the night when I hear that sound creaking in my house, I wonder if it’s a murderous Second Amendment advocate, coming to prove to me why I should have a gun.

And because I am a chubby, overweight, even a sometimes-considered-fat fellow, the possibility of my heart disrupting my future plans is never a distant thought.

The problem with all such consideration is that it leads to anxiety.

Anxiety not only robs us of time, but also simulates our death in our mind, wasting precious moments we could be using to, shall we say, literally dodge the bullet.

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dictionary with letter A

Antsy: (adj) agitated, restless or impatient: (e.g., he was too antsy to stay in one place)

It reminds me of the story of the man who went to the doctor with a surprising case of adult acne, and after tests were conducted, the physician informed the gentleman that the acne was a symptom of a cancer which was growing in his liver.

The man replied, “But can you clear up my skin?”

You see, that’s what I think about “antsy.”

Antsy is one of those superficial symptoms we address with a topical solution, by distracting ourselves, trying to be patient or fidgeting around, hoping nobody will yell at us.

But “antsy” is actually the emotional acne that appears because we are aggravated. And aggravation is what crops up when we’ve allowed the cancer of arrogance to take root in our being.

Even though many folks may disagree with this, insisting that their own form of nerves is caused by a high metabolism or an energy which has dogged them from their youth, I find that people get antsy because they’ve allowed themselves to become aggravated, which is brought about because they feel they deserve special consideration or they’ve been miscast.

It’s amazing how quickly your acne clears up when the cancer is addressed. Of course, many people would rather take care of their pimples than their tumors.

But the condition of aggravation is a damning state which never gives you peace of mind, nor any celebration over accomplishment.

I started solving a lot of my problems when I realized that I was arrogant. It’s not that I’ve escaped all of these prideful bursts of self-infatuation, but I am fully aware that I’m susceptible, and only in remission.

So because I address my arrogance, I get a whole lot less aggravated, and find that waiting is not only necessary, but powerful in most situations.

I don’t need to be antsy.

So unless you want to die from cancer of the liver but with beautiful skin, and you want to be known as a fussy individual because you never addressed your true addiction to arrogance, it’s a good idea to go back and track down the source.

How do you avoid arrogance? Well, it’s really quite simple.

Since there are eight billion of you on this planet … you really can’t be that special.


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dictionary with letter A

Aneurysm: (n.) an excessive localized enlargement of an artery caused by the weakening of the artery wall.

I sat for a moment, shaking my head in disbelief, unwilling to receive the information that had been imparted to me.

A friend of mine, twenty-five years of age, had suddenly died.

He had a brain aneurysm.

Rushing to the hospital and arriving on the scene, I found myself bouncing from one friend to another in search of meaning–some sort of explanation of how this could possibly have happened to such a youthful, energetic and healthy individual.

Nobody knew.

So I decided to ask the doctor. “How can he be dead? He was so healthy.”

The doctor looked me in the eyes and said, “It was a done deal when he was born.”

He went on to kindly explain that the weakness in my friend’s blood vessel was there at birth and was on a ticking clock of twenty-five years. And when the bell rang, his school was out.

I had so many questions. Were there any signs? How about symptoms?

But the doctor gently nudged me into the path of reason.

“We’re all going to die, and we really can’t change the date forward too much. If we don’t take care of ourselves we can hasten it. But sometimes, there’s one little blood vessel that doesn’t understand the value of jogging and eating broccoli, and just gives up too soon.”

How fearfully and wonderfully we are made, said the Psalmist.

Often we linger over the wonderful nature of the human mechanism.

But let us not ever forget how frighteningly fragile it can be also. 

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