Board Game

Board game: (n) any game played on a board

Dictionary B

If you ever reach a point in your life when you want to terminate a friendship, and do so based upon a mutual agreement of misunderstanding, sit down and play a game of Monopoly with the person with whom you wish to sever relationship.

Monopoly is more than a board game–it is a basic study of the subtlety of human depravity.

First–no one agrees on the rules. If you insist on reading them aloud, you become the common enemy of everyone else playing the game, as they explain–or dare I say, interpret–the instructions using their prism of prejudice.

Secondly–passive, loving and kind people become aggressive, mean, sinister land barons in pursuit of receiving more and more confirmation of their superiority through “funny money.”

Third–additional addendums and amendments, if you will, of the original regulations will be introduced during the game as players negotiate deals, loans or even the transferral of properties without legitimate title and deed.

Fourth–some people just don’t give up.

And of course, Number Five–after all is said and done, there really is no winner, just someone who still has money, surrounded by vanquished losers who are plotting revenge.

The problem with board games is that we usually play them when we’re bored… only to unleash the true depths of our inner demons.

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Awning: (n) material stretched on a frame and used to keep the sun or rain off a storefront, window, doorway, or deck.

Years ago I bought a very large house.dictionary with letter A

I did so because I could–probably the worst reason for becoming a land baron.

The home I purchased was a gorgeous castle sitting high on a hill, snubbing its doorway to its lesser-constructed neighbors.

One of the features on the outside, above the windows were awnings–colorful, contrasting, and made of canvas.

The first time I saw them I thought they were a little bizarre. But the realtor convinced me they were quite the conversation piece and would someday assist in the resale of the house.

About a year after my purchase, these awnings became dreary and dull in color from the heat of the sun and elements pounding on them. It became obvious to everyone that they needed to be replaced.

I didn’t even question it.

I felt that my great revelation in the matter was that this time I would buy material for the awnings that matched the coloration of the house instead of contrasting.

God, I thought I was smart. Matter of fact, for a full two weeks I walked around bragging about my wisdom.

In pursuing these new awnings, I discovered they were very expensive. It didn’t matter–I was going to enact my interpretation of great awning display.

So after many weeks, many delays and many overages in cost, the new awnings were on my home.

As the man was fitting the last awning onto the final window, he explained that this particular material would only last about three years.

I nodded my head, portraying myself to be well-versed in the lifespan of the typical awning.

He said to me, “At that point, you can get new awnings and I will guarantee you the same price.”

I interrupted him by expressing my appreciation for his generosity.

And then he concluded: “Of course, the truth is, this house doesn’t really need awnings on it, does it?”

At this point I looked at my house with new eyes.

As it turns out, I had followed the wishes of the previous owner–to place awnings on the house for decoration–only feeling superior because my choice of color was more insightful.

I could have saved thousands of dollars if I had gone with an “awningless” home.

For after all, the only thing those awnings ever did was add a little bit of spruce… while they taunted me with their ever-evident depreciation.


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