Awning: (n) material stretched on a frame and used to keep the sun or rain off a storefront, window, doorway, or deck.

Years ago I bought a very large house.

I did so because I could–probably the worst reason for becoming a land baron.

The home I purchased was a gorgeous castle sitting high on a hill, snubbing its doorway to its lesser-constructed neighbors.

One of the features on the outside, above the windows were awnings–colorful, contrasting, and made of canvas.

The first time I saw them I thought they were a little bizarre. But the realtor convinced me they were quite the conversation piece and would someday assist in the resale of the house.

About a year after my purchase, these awnings became dreary and dull in color from the heat of the sun and elements pounding on them. It became obvious to everyone that they needed to be replaced.

I didn’t even question it.

I felt that my great revelation in the matter was that this time I would buy material for the awnings that matched the coloration of the house instead of contrasting.

God, I thought I was smart. Matter of fact, for a full two weeks I walked around bragging about my wisdom.

In pursuing these new awnings, I discovered they were very expensive. It didn’t matter–I was going to enact my interpretation of great awning display.

So after many weeks, many delays and many overages in cost, the new awnings were on my home.

As the man was fitting the last awning onto the final window, he explained that this particular material would only last about three years.

I nodded my head, portraying myself to be well-versed in the lifespan of the typical awning.

He said to me, “At that point, you can get new awnings and I will guarantee you the same price.”

I interrupted him by expressing my appreciation for his generosity.

And then he concluded: “Of course, the truth is, this house doesn’t really need awnings on it, does it?”

At this point I looked at my house with new eyes.

As it turns out, I had followed the wishes of the previous owner–to place awnings on the house for decoration–only feeling superior because my choice of color was more insightful.

I could have saved thousands of dollars if I had gone with an “awningless” home.

For after all, the only thing those awnings ever did was add a little bit of spruce… while they taunted me with their ever-evident depreciation.

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

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