Tag Archives: orange juice

Consult

Consult: (v) to seek information or advice from (someone with expertise

Try as I will, it is impossible to get anything but orange juice out of an orange. It might be handy; if I woke up and decided I wanted grape funny wisdom on words that begin with a Cjuice and could communicate my need to the orange, then I wouldn’t have to go out and buy a bunch of grapes.

But oranges are stubborn. They stay in their own skin.

And grapes won’t give me grapefruit juice, even though the name is included.

This is also true with human beings. Once people establish what flavor they are–what flows from them and what their essence is, it’s ridiculous to think they will offer a vast array of different ideas.

For instance, I would not go to a Catholic priest to talk about birth control. On that issue, he’s an orange. He’s going to impart orange juice.

Likewise, I would not go to a Planned Parenthood Center to make my final decision on whether to have a child born or aborted. They also may have a pat answer.

Who we consult and how we consult determines whether we actually have consulted, or just informed.

Anybody will inform you on anything at any time because we’re all susceptible to giving our opinion–even though we don’t know what the hell we’re talking about.

So when you discover something that needs to be explained or fulfilled in your life, you should go to the more neutral party–or else pick the person who is more likely to juice you up.

 

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Chablis

Chablis: (adj) a dry white wine from Chablis, France.

Warning to all innocents and those easily influenced by the ramblings of raging writers. I am about to spew from my storage bins of persona
l prejudice, based upon my own experience. It is not racial, ethnic or gender-based.

It is an abiding distaste for wine. Or really, any alcoholic beverages.

When I was a young boy, I had bronchitis all the time–something my parents referred to as “the croup.” It produced this horrible hacking cough that sounded like I had run out of mucous and was banging the back of my throat with a ball-peen hammer.

The only medication the doctor recommended for my condition was Pertussin Cough Syrup.

It tasted terrible. It gagged me. Every time my mother threatened me with a spoon, bottle in hand, I tried to wrestle it from her, spilling the contents, in hopes that the family funds were too depleted to purchase another bottle.

So you can imagine how surprised I was when I went to a party with friends, and they asked, “Would you like a glass of wine?” I had seen people drinking wine in movies, and they seemed pleased with the taste, so I agreed.

Just imagine how shocked my friends were when I started to gag on the wine, insisting it was my old nemesis cough syrup.

They comforted me, saying that some people found red wine to be a bit strong, but that I would certainly like a white wine–a Chablis.

I didn’t.

Finally, at one party, somebody gave me orange juice with a little bit of wine and said, “Try this! It’s a spritzer!”

It was somewhat better–but still tasted like someone had left the orange juice in the sun for three days and was trying to pass it off as freshly squeezed.

Let us just say, I am not a drinker of wine, nor any kind of alcohol. I feel no self-righteousness about it; I don’t even think it makes me unique.

I just feel, if you’re going to taste something that rancid and foul, you better damn well be sick.

 

 

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Ascorbic Acid

Ascorbic acid: (n) a vitamin found particularly in citrus fruits and green vegetables. It is essential in maintaining healthy connective tissue, and is also thought todictionary with letter A act as an antioxidant. Severe deficiency causes scurvy.

Since revelation usually comes in trickles, it is very difficult to be showered in knowledge.

Such was my situation many years ago when I was traveling and singing in a musical group, and because we were young, we were susceptible to every cold virus that happened to come into town, gunning for victims. As you probably know, it is difficult to sing without your voice, and the common cold does quite often hold your entire throat hostage until further notice.

The conventional wisdom of the day was to take large doses of Vitamin C to counteract the cold or even build an immunity against being attacked by the “snootiness” in the first place.

Since I was not particularly fond of swallowing the large amounts of pills necessary to create the dosage considered therapeutic, I opted for orange juice. Being a dumb kid, I failed to realize that even though the juice of the orange does contain large amounts of Vitamin C, it is possessed by even greater amounts of sugar–and the higher your blood sugar, the more susceptible you are to viruses.

So I thought I was pouring liquid gold down my throat to give myself a suit of armor against the dragon of coughing and stuffiness, but I actually ended up throwing gasoline on the fire.

I could never figure out why the more OJ I drank, the more quickly I became sick.

I’m sure this was also true with the pills, because the amount of Vitamin C it takes to address the burden is nearly beyond comprehension. Also you have to consider that Vitamin C is very quickly absorbed by the body–therefore, every tine you pee in the pot, you have to start over again.

So like many home remedies and doctor-approved solutions, if you wait around six months, the suggestion will be revised without apology … and usually with the absence of any culpability about offering the advice in the first place.

 

 

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