Ayatollah: (n) a Shiite religious leader in Iran.

I would like to broaden the definition of “asshole.”dictionary with letter A

It’s not that I want to use the word more. You can feel free to change the term if you so desire.

I believe an asshole is anyone who promotes his or her peculiarity as making them better than other people.

Whenever I see pictures of clerics of all religions, wearing their costumes and establishing their dominance through facial hair, robes and funny hats, the first thought that comes to my mind is “asshole”–especially when they begin to espouse that their particular garb and gab is supreme.

Here’s what I think: if you need a costume to promote your ideas and it’s not Halloween, you are officially an asshole.

Because my understanding is that the great men of history, who truly had something important to say, were very careful to blend in with the masses, using a common head and a common thread instead of standing afar off and yelling extreme disapproval at the top of their lungs.

So to all the priests, preachers, mullahs, ayatollahs and dollies who apparently breed llamas, I pronounce you irrelevant.

You will remain irrelevant as long as you insist that you have come to save the world, which generally speaking … you choose to condemn.


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Anatomically Correct

dictionary with letter A

Anatomically correct (adj): {of a doll} having the sexual organs plainly represented.

Humans share two things in common:

  • the need to have something bigger than ourselves
  • and the desire to always be bigger.

It is a mental infestation.

Because in trying to find something bigger than ourselves, we usually come up with some sort of god-figure who is more cantankerous than helpful.

And with the penchant for wanting to be bigger, we often become petty and fussy with one another.

I remember junior high school locker room during shower time–even though the guys sincerely tried to make it clear that they weren’t “gay” or, as we called it at that time–“queer”–we all had a tendency to peek over to see what manly bestowal had been granted to our neighbor.

I guess with girls it revolves around the breasts.

Of course, in junior high school, some guys had bloomed earlier and others had a similar wee-wee to what was afforded them right out of the womb.

So self-conscious, nervous, frustrated and almost paranoid energy permeated the steamy room. And the worst part of it was that the only comfort afforded to your being was discovering someone smaller than you.

Therefore I’m a little bit put off or even intimidated by the notion of “anatomically correct dolls.” Even though they are inanimate objects, in their own way they seem to scoff at me from their pre-determined status.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s saint or sinner, priest or penitent, or prophet or porn star. We are all unnecessarily preoccupied with our presence and prowess in that limited region beneath our belt.

Matter of fact, the criterion for maturity may be a successful ability to ignore such instinct and push past it, creating something of beauty that just might be everlasting.

Here’s what I think about my anatomy:

If it’s working and not trying to kill me, I really don’t want to give it too much attention.

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Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAcquiescent: (adj.) a person who is ready to accept something without protest or to do what someone else wants: e.g. the unions were acquiescent and there was no overt conflict.

I sat and stared at that word for at least ten minutes.

I tried to imagine a climate or situation where being acquiescent had completely positive overtones. I understand that we believe it does.

For instance, I remember that when I had teenage sons I often wanted them to be acquiescent. But looking back on it now that they are all grown, I see that their lack of compliance was often the signal of a creative explosion within them which was NOT grounded in rebellions, but rather, was ordained by the priest of inspiration.

  • Is it possible to be acquiescent and be strong?
  • How about acquiescent and driven?
  • Acquiescent and earth-changing?
  • Acquiescent and a true son of God?

I just don’t know.

Certainly there are times when I want to be the peace giver and the peace provider for situations which are rife with volatility. But actually, these occasions are so rare that it’s barely worth bringing up. Most of the time there needs to be a strength that is baptized in mercy, anointed with resolve and willing to express grace.

But that’s not really acquiescent, now, is it?

When I think of acquiescent, I think of a span of nearly forty years in this country–from 1820 to 1860–when political men of good will allowed for slavery to continue in an attempt to keep everything running on an even keel and to avoid the horror of conflict and war. They compromised. They allowed a whole generation of black Americans to be born, to live, to suffer and die in chains in order to maintain an amiable, uneasy peace.

It was not destined to be.

There you go. Acquiescence only works when we are destined to give in to an inevitable truth. To give in to a lie in order to prevent upheaval is not acquiescence.

It’s just cowardly.