Christian: (n) a person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Jesus Christ and his teachings.


Please describe. Yes, take a moment and grant me your visual interpretation of a typical person who lives in Montana. Here come the

  • Cowboy hats.
  • Rodeos
  • A slight drawl in speech
  • Independent thinking
  • Might even carry a gun or two

That is what we think about Montana. If we encountered someone who lived in Montana who did NOT fit any of those stereotypes, we might feel a little irritable, wondering why they insisted on living in our Montana.


As long as we cling to the typical stereotypical definition of what this creature seems to be, we quickly will find out that Jesus, himself, would not make a very
good Christian.

  • He did not favor ceremony.
  • He didn’t like being called “good.”
  • He didn’t seek the praise of people, but rather, encouraged them to prosper in their own faith.
  • He certainly wanted to be known for his teachings instead of the time he spent on a cross.
  • And it was his habit to rebel against any tradition and formality which took away the intimacy of personal belief.

So the truth is, when Jesus is presented the way he really was, we get irritable.

How dare he be a Jewish Messiah, fulfilling Old Testament prophesy as the “Lamb who was slain from the foundation of the world,” and instead, present himself as the Good Shepherd, who welcomes everybody and does not think that judging others is a legitimate practice.



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Au revoir

Au revoir: (Fr. exclam.) good-bye until we meet again.

Even though I purposely avoid many of the stumps that come my way from which I could prophesy, today I shall indulge myself by sharing one of my few, but fervent pet peeves.

dictionary with letter A

I hate subtitles.

There are two reasons.

First of all, I think it’s pretentious to have American actors memorize some foreign words, contending that they are pronouncing them correctly.

Secondly, I’ve reached an age when I find myself squinting a bit to try to read the translation placed on the screen, which is often done in an obtuse font, blurry color and flashed so briefly that you’re trying to figure out the predicate from the acquired subject.

I don’t like pretense.

I don’t think you lose anything in a story if your German soldiers speak English.

After all, it’s about the story, right? Not how they pronounce the dialect from the Rhineland.

But I realize I’m in the minority and that the purists out there shake their heads, bemused by my objection.

Still, as far as I’m’ concerned, I would like to say to all those young filmmakers who feel they achieve great authenticity by offering intrusive foreign language into an American film … “Au revoir.”


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by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absitomen:  (exclam.) used to express the hope that something undesirable should not foreshadow its  arrival or occurence. From the Latin: “may this omen be absent.”

Shall we talk about some sucky jobs?

How about campaign manager for a losing Presidential candidate? Hard to get new work.

How about latrine inspector? I know you may think that latrine cleaner might be worse, but at least you would understand your function. Inspector really has to get his nose in the pot.

Here’s another one. How would you like to be the soothsayer in the court of a king in the Dark Ages, who calls you in and wants to know what the outcome of today’s battle will be? You’re supposed to be in charge of reading all the omens.

Let’s just say, for discussion’s sake, that there ARE no omens. Yet you have a king who insists that he needs one. So if you say there are bad omens regarding the battle and he goes out and wins, you will be beheaded. If you say there are good omens for the battle and he loses, you will be likewise headless.

So the only safe thing to do is to stir around some chicken gizzards in a bowl, pour in three fingers worth of vinegar, mumble some magic words and turn to the anxious king and say, “All signs point to a victory.”

Because here’s the scenario: if he loses, you can hope that HE gets killed in the battle and you are part of the retreating army, head intact. If he wins, you will be lavished with gifts for your good omen that summoned victory.

This omen stuff is really dangerous.

Even nowadays, people who study prophecy from scrolls thousands of years old, trying to find hidden meaning for the future, always end up looking stupid. If they’re going to sell an idea or a book, they have to get specific about a date for the end of the world, and then when that date comes and go, they have to survive on the money already made or come up with a reason that the original calculation was off.

I don’t know about this word for today. But I think any time you tie an omen into anything, it’s really… well, it’s really a bad omen.