Tag Archives: words from dictionary

Aboral

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Aboral: (adj.) relating to or denoting the side or end that is furthest from the mouth, especially in animals that lack clear upper and lower sides, such as echinoderms.

I don’t know why this word made me think about the Mississippi River. I stopped worrying about the weird tendency of my mind to leap to bizarre inclinations years ago, and have chosen to believe it a virtue rather than a vice.

But the Mississippi River has a mouth. It’s somewhere up there in Minnesota, among those stoic German-Lutheran folk, who would certainly be willing to be the “salt of the earth” if their doctors had not told them to avoid too much sodium.

But the further you get away from the mouth, the less German and Lutheran the Mississippi River becomes. It winds its way through the heartland, flirting with Illinois, kissing up to St. Louis, where it throws a quick wave at the Gateway Arch, careens down through Memphis, listening to jazz and smelling the barbecue, but also remembering some of the tragedies, such as the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Having started at its mouth, it now gets deeper into its aboral quest, as it swims its way through the south, landing at a very un-Minnesota-like destination, of New Orleans. Desiring international credibility, it eventually dumps itself into the Gulf of Mexico.

It is a flow of water which separates this country from east to west. Yes, east of the Mississippi live most of the population, insisting they prefer wide-open spaces, while clumping together like year-old peanut brittle. West of the Mississippi, there are regions that appear to be still available for marauding buffalo and Native American tribes.

The Mississippi River is a divider without being divisive. It does something that nobody seems to be capable of achieving–dribbling from one culture to another without preconceived ideas or bigotry. As it goes from its mouth to more aboral locations, it wiggles through accents, belief systems, cultures and states with ease and comfort–absent favoritism.

It is a citizen of both Minnesota and Mardi Gras, without apology.

I’m not so sure if those at the mouth would approve of the aboral destination of the river. But the river does not ask permission. It has learned a valuable lesson:

Go with the flow.

 

Abominable

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abominable: adj. causing moral revulsion.

What did the Snowman ever do to you?

Why did he end up being Abominable?

Did I miss some news story on Inside Edition? Was the big Snowman caught in bed with Madonna or Pink? Is he doing cocaine in the snow? Is he killing off people in the woods?

Why is the Abominable Snowman considered abominable? What breach in morality causes us to find him revolting?

This is not fair. Just because you’re nine feet tall, are covered with hair in the frigid Yukon, growling at strangers, does not mean you lack the moral fiber to be a damned good Republican.

Is it just that everybody who does not fit the “normal” size, look or social presentation have to be scrutinized until we discover some hidden sin yet uncovered?

I, for one, think it’s time that we stop calling him, her or it abominable. I think “big and ugly” would be better than abominable, don’t you?

I am concerned that moral judgments are being made about a creature we actually know very little about. For that matter, we’re not even sure he exists.

Of course, in our present political climate, we seem to be very good at creating problems out of nothing. So who knows? Maybe there’s a reporter somewhere from some sort of tell-it-all rag who has been following this monstrous creature around and knows that he has nasty inclinations.

Yet that doesn’t stop us from having priests in the Catholic Church. It doesn’t eliminate politicians cavorting with prostitutes. We don’t call THEM abominable.

No, it is a word reserved for the Snowman.

And speaking of that, it reminds me of the reporter who once caught up with the self-assesssed, famous adventurer, Scarsland de Barkel, winner of the First Annual Coveted Explorer’s Award, and asked him, “Mr. de Barkel, have you found the Abominable Snowman?”

Scarsland replied, “Not Yeti.”

A-bomb

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

A-bomb: n. short for Atom Bomb.

I was able to duck but not cover.

When they tried to teach our second-grade class what to do in case of an atomic bomb landing somewhere near our school yard, the huskiness of my being permitted me to duck, as required, but I was unable to get UNDER my desk, to cover. My little second-grade desk was unwilling to provide shelter for my large self.

It was rather embarrassing. Matter of fact, my friends, who loved me, were nearly moved to tears, realizing that they would have to continue their school life after the bomb cleared away, with me destroyed by being uncovered. They were SO overwrought that I started to cry, because I did not want to have an atomic bomb eating away at my body, butt first.

It was very real to my eight-year-old mind. Of course, no one explained to us that an atomic bomb had little respect for a small wooden desks, and would not honor them as adequate defense.

But since none of us really knew what an A-bomb was, we were only concerned about our part and responsibility of ducking and covering, which I was only prepared to fulfill half-heartedly.

It was a strange time. And it was a bizarre notion–to think that at any moment the world as you knew it could disintegrate and burn up like onion skin paper in a hot fire, simply because some nation was crazy enough to believe they could conquer someone by disintegrating their environment.

I was so distraught after finding out that I was unable to cover beneath my little desk that my teacher went out into the storage building and found a larger desk for me, which would accommodate the full extent of my duck, as I covered.

I was moved.

The entire class was relieved, and somewhere deep in my heart, I believed that the Soviet Union found out that we had once again foiled their plans by discovering a way to protect ALL of our citizenry–by acquiring larger furniture.

This is my experience with the A-bomb.

Fortunately, I have never had to implement this particular safety procedure, although occasionally, just for old times sake and fun, I will duck.

Abomasum

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abomasum: n. the fourth stomach of a ruminant, which receives food from the omasum and passes it to the small intestine.

I got really excited with this one.

Being obese all my life and maintaining a commitment to the cause, I thought how terrific it would be to have four stomachs. You see, what you would possess is a greater potential for filling up–but ALSO you could evenly distribute your  gluttony so it wouldn’t SEEM like you were over-eating.

But then I considered the physique of these ruminants. Do I really want to look like a cow? Perhaps better phrased, do I want to continue to look like a cow? That’s bull.

So I decided that having four stomachs only quadruples the need for weight loss.

The other thing that bothered me about this particular word is how depressing it must be to be the fourth stomach. Talk about being the low man on the totem pole! What would get sent to the fourth stomach?? You have three other containers in front of you vying for the better parts of the intake.

Wouldn’t it be my luck to be a fourth stomach. How would you feel? Especially since you’re down there at the end of the line, and your job is to send crap to the small intestine.

I think we all do feel that way sometimes–we are the fourth stomach in a goat, doing nothing but puttin’ out a bunch of crap.

I’m going to stop writing now. It’s too depressing…

Abomasum

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abomasum: n. the fourth stomach of a ruminant, which receives food from the omasum and passes it to the small intestine.

I got really excited with this one.

Being obese all my life and maintaining a commitment to the cause, I thought how terrific it would be to have four stomachs. You see, what you would possess is a greater potential for filling up–but ALSO you could evenly distribute your  gluttony so it wouldn’t SEEM like you were over-eating.

But then I considered the physique of these ruminants. Do I really want to look like a cow? Perhaps better phrased, do I want to continue to look like a cow? That’s bull.

So I decided that having four stomachs only quadruples the need for weight loss.

The other thing that bothered me about this particular word is how depressing it must be to be the fourth stomach. Talk about being the low man on the totem pole! What would get sent to the fourth stomach?? You have three other containers in front of you vying for the better parts of the intake.

Wouldn’t it be my luck to be a fourth stomach. How would you feel? Especially since you’re down there at the end of the line, and your job is to send crap to the small intestine.

I think we all do feel that way sometimes–we are the fourth stomach in a goat, doing nothing but puttin’ out a bunch of crap.

I’m going to stop writing now. It’s too depressing…

Abolish

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abolish:   v. to formally put an end to a system, practice or institution

That’s a strong word. Matter of fact, as I sat down and thought about it, the only “abolish” I ever heard of was slavery.

  • I personally would like to abolish fat grams.
  • I would like to abolish calories.
  • I would like to abolish ignorance that tries to pass itself off as comedy.
  • I would like to abolish about seventy-eight pounds off my body.
  • I would like to abolish some of the decisions made by my children in the name of free choice.
  • I would like to abolish some of the choices made by me when I was childish, in the pursuit of some hippie philosophy.
  • I would like to abolish the parliamentary procedure which seeps into our grown-up world and makes us feel like we’re really adult but ends up just halting progress.
  • I would like to abolish political parties so that individual candidates could run, and since we didn’t already know the talking points, we would have to listen to what they had to say.

But none of those are as strong as abolishing slavery was.

How about this one?

I would like to abolish all the foolhardy people who are talking about legalizing mind-altering drugs simply based on economic convenience, with no aforethought about what might cause some young person to become involved with these deadly chemicals, lending themselves to other even more deadly chemicals.

I guess there are a lot of things I’d like to abolish. But the problem with “abolish” is that you find out that merely stating your case is not enough, and as in the American Civil War, you end up squaring off and fighting to the death over the issue.

I’m not sure what I’m willing to die for. Certainly not abolishing fat grams (although the little boogers probably have a plan for MY demise).

Abolish is a strong word. I guess instead of abolish, I would just like to hear some intelligent dialogue on many of the issues of our day instead of hearing pundits portray their platform as they pontificate their principle.

Yes, I would like to hear an intelligent conversation about abortion, capital punishment, civil rights, global warming and nuclear proliferation, without being handed a pamphlet listing the ten reasons why the other side is anti-American.

It was a good thing to abolish slavery.

Who knows? Maybe it would be a good thing to abolish calories. But if you stand up to abolish something, you’d better be ready to fight.

That’s scary crap.

Aboard

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Aboard:  1. prep. on or into (a ship, aircraft, train or other vehicle) 2. adv. onto a horse: with Miguel aboard, the race was won. 3. into an organization or team: coming aboard as IBM‘s new CFO.

Considering I was twelve years old, the prospect of going on a boat trip with my best friend’s dad on a lake was nearly mind-numbing–exhilarating to the point of having every one of my pores pop forth with liquid joy. It sounded so cool.

My friend’s dad owned a cabin cruiser–one of those ships that have a place where you can go down below, open up a small refrigerator to get a snack, lounge on the bed or watch television. It was crazy.

The night before our sea voyage, I couldn’t sleep. Arriving at the dock, I danced around with my friend like a little girl discovering that a new Barbie was about to be released into the toy market.

We climbed onto the boat, pushed off from shore, and motored our way out into the middle of the lake, where engines were turned off, fishing lines dropped into the water–and we waited. And we waited.

Did I mention we waited?

What I soon discovered was that the thrill of a boat trip is in planning it, getting out  to the water and eventually coming back in. Because once you’re aboard a ship, there is nothing around you except water.

I discovered you can only go downstairs so many times before your friend’s father will complain about you emptying the fridge. I also soon realized that trying to take a nap on the bed while the boat was rocking back and forth was the best way to become seasick. We were only on our little excursion for about two hours but it seemed like one hundred and fifty-three.

I learned something that day. You must be careful about what you get aboard, because there may not be an immediate escape. And if it’s a cabin cruiser in the middle of Hoover Lake, you might find that being aboard really makes you a bored.

Abo

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAbo: AUSTRAL, INFORMAL, OFFENSIVE 1. n. an Aborigine. 2. adj. Aboriginal.

Words.

Sometimes we think if we make them “cuter” they don’t sound quite as mean. You always have the standard insults–the really nasty words which communicate anger, frustration, bigotry and rage.

But sometimes we like to just communicate that we’re better than other people in a merely condescending tone. So normally at that point we fall back on words that end in “o.” It sweetens them up enough that people can’t become TOO offended, but at the same time, we can still establish our supremacy.

I think that’s what abo is. If you live in Australia, you don’t want to completely attack the natives by referring to their skin color or the size of their lips or nose, so you come up with a “cute” put-down, like abo.

Of course, there are many others:
How about weirdo? If you tell somebody he’s a weirdo and then you smile afterwards, you can be sure they are stung by your criticism without any real ability to strike back in anger.
Same thing would be true of retardo.
In the sixties, Negro. We all know what the good ole’ Southern boys wanted to say.
How about this one–el stupido? (Now you’re showing off that you know another language.)
And of course, a favorite one–fatso. At least you aren’t using that “Fat A” word, right?

The most dangerous part of bigotry is when it becomes common and develops respectable language. So I don’t know what the purpose is of the “o” at the end of the insult. Maybe it’s not an “o.” Maybe it’s a zero–to connote the IQ of the speaker.

Yet, I imagine even in Nazi Germany, at first somebody called them “Jew-os”–long before they marched them to the gas chamber.

Abnormal

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abnormal: adj. deviating from what is normal or usual, typically in a way that is undesirable or worrying.
So I have spent my life worrying people. I felt it was my job.

  • I worried my kindergarten teacher by coloring outside the lines. she felt it warranted a meeting with my parents.
  • I worried my high school football coach by choosing music over linebacking.
  • I worried my wife by flying out to Arizona to “rescue” her from her parents’ disapproval of me.
  • I worried people in the music industry by refusing to conform to trends, but rather, pursuing the melody in my heart.
  • I worried the political system by turning down the invitations to all of their parties.
  • I worried the religious system by believing in God without reciting all the prescribed words.
  • I worried my doctor by creating a scenario of longevity, wherein I have only a “fat chance.”
  •  I worried my family by continuing to faithfully execute my talent in a world which seems to be negating the need for gathering and fellowshipping.
  • I really don’t see the sense in living your life if you don’t worry those people around you who are content with mediocrity.

The truth of the matter is, there is nothing we regale, worship or believe in today that was not, at one time, abnormal.
Of course, some abnormalities need to be confronted and changed.

For instance, the idea that elected officials from varying corners of the country can come together and pass constructive laws …

Abnormal

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abnormal: adj. deviating from what is normal or usual, typically in a way that is undesirable or worrying.
So I have spent my life worrying people. I felt it was my job.

I worried my kindergarten teacher by coloring outside the lines. she felt it warranted a meeting with my parents.
I worried my high school football coach by choosing music over linebacking.
I worried my wife by flying out to Arizona to “rescue” her from her parents’ disapproval of me.
I worried people in the music industry by refusing to conform to trends, but rather, pursuing the melody in my heart.
I worried the political system by turning down the invitations to all of their parties.
I worried the religious system by believing in God without reciting all the prescribed words.
I worried my doctor by creating a scenario of longevity, wherein I have only a “fat chance.”
I worried my family by continuing to faithfully execute my talent in a world which seems to be negating the need for gathering and fellowshipping.

I really don’t see the sense in living your life if you don’t worry those people around you who are content with mediocrity. The truth of the matter is, there is nothing we regale, worship or believe in today that was not, at one time, abnormal.
Of course, some abnormalities need to be confronted and changed. For instance, the idea that elected officials from varying corners of the country can come together and pass constructive laws …