All through my teenage years, I used my arrogance as a means of establishing dominance. And of course, dominance seemed to grant me justification for my arrogance.
I was convinced I was valuable.
I was energized by my obvious ability, and I had no comprehension of anyone disagreeing with my self-assessment.
All the time, I was quietly making enemies.
These enemies were silent out of fear of my intense attitude mingled with some respect for my accomplishments.
- They were waiting.
- They were biding their time, looking for me to fall.
- And I did.
In my era, I committed the worst possible breach of local protocol–I got my girlfriend pregnant in a time when young people were not supposed to have any awareness of their genitalia.
On top of that, I was a good church-going boy who now was the father of a baby out of wedlock.
I needed wisdom.
I needed mercy.
I needed to know what the hell to do next.
But since I had never expressed vulnerability, no one allowed me the courtesy of being wounded. They took all of the pent-up anger and frustration over my self-righteousness, and banished me and my girlfriend to an island by ourselves, where we were viewed as outcasts and a disgrace to the populace.
Now, I’m sure my reflections may seem overwrought, and the testimony of others who lived through the era might render a different tale.
But banishment is not the reality of the action. Instead, it is the sensation of the loneliness.
And I was lonely–so lonely that I considered aborting the very child that made my union with this dear woman viable.
I survived the banishment and I guess my village got over all of my hypocritical indiscretion.
Life went on.
The amazing thing is that I have found myself many times possessing the same seat of judgment, with the ability to levy punishment against others and banish them from my sight.
I cannot tell you that my record is spotless and that I’ve always been a just judge.
But thank God, often the memory of being solitary and confined to my own iniquity and mistakes has caused me to extend tenderness … instead of shoving the problem-makers away.
Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) — J.R. Practix
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