Beverage: (n) a drink, especially other than water
Perhaps one of the more valuable parts of my mission of writing this daily essay using the language that Webster offers to us is that I can occasionally warn you about words that should never be used.
I’m not going to make a comprehensive list right now, but instead, will use today’s choice as an example of such a misstep.
May it be declared from the Heavens and enacted upon the Earth that the word “beverage” should never be spoken aloud, at least in the Continental United States.
It is one of those words that makes it appear that you’re either very insecure about your education, or you are determined to pick obscure terms in order to make yourself look like the long-lost noble son of the Russian throne.
Beverage is not a word.
It is what we shall call an anti-word.
An anti-word is something that comes out of our mouths which we thought would communicate our sophistication, but instead leaves the room bewildered, perplexed or pissed off because we are acting superior.
You can feel free to say, “Do you want a Coke?” (That works really well in the South.)
I suppose it’s tolerable to say, “Would you like a soda?” (Even though in the North, “pop” is preferred.)
But the safest thing to ask is, “Would you like something to drink?”
So if we’re beginning a list of forbidden terms, let us start off with the word “beverage.”
Because quite honestly, anyone who asks me if “I want a beverage”… just might be training to be a serial killer.