Convection oven: (n) a gas, electric, or microwave oven equipped with a fan that circulates and intensifies the heat, thereby decreasing the normal cooking time.

There are many things in life that cause shock.

For instance, realizing that you’re too short to ride the roller coaster at the amusement park.

Finding out that you have to study for tests to get good grades.

Learning that human sexuality takes effort.

Noting that casting your vote more than likely does not mean that your candidate will be elected.

One of these happened to me the other day. I overheard a young fellow talking to his friend, referring to me as “that nice old man.”

A little piece of my soul died. I chased it down the thoroughfare, but it was gone.

The reason that young chap might be referring to me as a nice “old” fellow is that I remember when the first convection ovens arrived. We were startled at how quickly food could be heated. For me, it happened when I went to a gas station four miles outside of our town. They were using a convection oven to warm sandwiches. When placed in the oven, they came out piping hot in less than two minutes.

Of course, these initial ovens were flawed, sometimes drying out the food and turning it into petrified wood—but it was astounding. It was the fulfillment of one of the promises and predictions I had read as a small boy in my magazine, called “The Weekly Reader.”

I shall stop this article now—for the deeper I go into the origins of my knowledge of the convection oven, the older I sound and the more you’ll be convinced that I am nice…but ancient.

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