Chef: (n) professional cook

“Vanity, vanity, kitchen is thy name.”

You may note that I have altered the adage.

It does not matter if it’s a man or woman–if you start talking about cooking, the reaction falls into two categories:

  1. “I don’t cook, I will never cook, I will not touch a pan. Serve me.”
  2. “I’m such a good cook, people think I should start my own restaurant.”

Folks get very nasty about their ability to stir sugar in with spice to make something nice. They’re convinced they have the best recipe for any delicacy.

This is confirmed by dozens of shows on television, with chefs competing with one another for the honor of being chief cook and bottle washer.

What is it about the human race that causes us to believe that we have a passable ability to serve a meal instead of the overwrought notion that our platter of “pleasables” should be offered to wine and dine kings?

Do you really have the best barbecue sauce in the country?

Is the secret to a great turkey to deep fry it?

Are green beans better with almonds?

Does the extra thirty seconds of whipping the egg whites truly make a better meringue?

Is hot sauce the universal elixir for “delish?”

Even if we can convince all the brothers and sisters of Earth that we are alike, equal and that no one is better than anyone else, after that meeting is over, there will be someone who will insist they should cook the victory meal–because they’re a better chef.

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Asparagus: (n) a tall plant of the lily family with fine feathery foliage, cultivated for its edible shoots.dictionary with letter A

For after all, having knowledge is not necessary in order to espouse. In our day and age, merely having a strong opinion complemented with verbosity is sufficient motive for accosting your audience with determinations.

Here’s what I do know about asparagus: I like it.

I do not remember when I ever disliked asparagus, though I am sure at the age of three, having it introduced into the room probably would have caused me to run out in terror.

It has a very intimidating appearance. It has a distinctive odor, and I have a son who insists that those who eat this particular vegetable urinate a unique aroma.

As I said, I do not know about such things, but as I also stated, am feeling free to share at will.

The most outstanding thing about asparagus to me is that when I eat it I feel affluent.

It’s expensive.

Every once in a while it falls down into my price range. Then I buy it in bunches, usually serving it with a nice steak or a medium-quality fish.

Being more expensive. it does require a whole lot of attention, care and the addition of friends like butter, and even almonds.

I like to grab it by its stem and put the little curly head in my mouth and gradually insert the entire stick in one bite.

I can recommend this approach. It stresses your opulence–not only are you unconcerned with taking small bites, but you are content your wealth enables you to eat this costly commodity in huge chunks.

Some might say that asparagus is an acquired taste.

But truthfully, I think the whole process of eating vegetables is getting used to the idea of tasting “green.”

Yes, green has a taste.

It varies ever so slightly from broccoli to kale to asparagus, but normally falls into a common realm in the kingdom of flavor.

If you never develop the taste for green you will spend your life eating browns, tans and whites, leaving the planet early … because you just didn’t have the heart for it.

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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix