Coated

Coated: (n) a layer of covering

I, for one, appreciate and enjoy the candy coating on my aspirin.

I know it’s just a brief whiz-by of sweetness, but it keeps me from tasting any of that aspirin flavor that sticks in the back of your throat and makes you cough.

It’s just damned considerate.

This crossed my mind about twenty years ago, but I didn’t really do anything about it until last year. (Sometimes it takes nineteen years to work up the gumption to follow through on one of your own pieces of brilliance.)

But twenty years ago, I thought to myself, the problem with human relationships is that they aren’t candy-coated.

We walk around with some adult, grown-up notion that things should be nasty, and the more bitter they are the better it is–because we’ll end up with such a great, complaining story.

It wasn’t until last year that I realized that this applied to me. I was waiting for somebody else to put it into practice. But then I sat down one afternoon and realized that I am sometimes hard to swallow:

I can be bitter

I can be nasty

I can be sour.

And the truth of the matter is, my responsibilities require that I use candor and truthfulness to get the job done. After all, can there be anything worse than a writer who’s a liar–which may force him to write more lies later?

Yet there are human ingredients of sweetness that can be added to truth, so that we can feel love as we embrace reality.

May we never lose kindness.

May we never forget the power of being gentle.

May we always take into consideration a sense of humor.

And certainly, may our daily lives be blessed by the power of apology and the simplicity of a thank you.

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Aspirin

Aspirin: (n) a tablet containing aspirin.dictionary with letter A

Since life can sometimes be a headache and such discomfort is a real pain…well, in the head, I have occasionally pursued the consumption and absorption of aspirin into my body to try to alleviate the malady.

Sometimes it has worked. And when it has, it nearly seems to be a “Jesus-moment-of-miracle-healing-the-blind-man.”

Then there are times when the pain is so severe–such as an abscessed tooth–that the aspirin doesn’t do much except to dull the agony and give you a minor LSD trip.

Also the problem with aspirin is that it can make your stomach bleed.

Several years ago, when I was younger than I am now (which is customary) I went through an eight-day period when I wasn’t getting much sleep and was achy, so I started popping aspirin like they were Skittles. A few days later, I started getting light-headed, weak and my vision was impaired to the point that I couldn’t stand to be in bright lights. My heart raced.

So I finally cruised off to the hospital–to discover that I had lost a lot of blood. The volume was so low that they feared I had some form of cancer. I explained that I had been taking a lot of aspirin, but they were convinced there was more to it than that. But after a very brief stay, I got better.

They examined all of my internal stuff and decided that I had just taken too much aspirin, and nearly used up all my blood.

So since that day, I have told people that I am allergic to aspirin. I’m probably not.

I am probably the typical human being who is, and always will be, allergic to way too much of a good thing.

 

 

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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

Allergy

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Allergy: (n) a damaging immune response by the body to a substance, often pollen, fur, a particular food, or dust, to which it has become hypersensitive

I may be allergic to nature.

Well, not exactly. It’s more that I’m allergic to many products that people insist are ‘organic’ or ‘natural.’

Recently at a motel they offered what they refered to as “green” soap. It had the magical words of this millenium inscribed on its wrapper: “all organic ingredients.”

It made me itch.

Several years ago, a friend thought she was doing me a big favor by purchasing me a three-month supply of Herbalife. She wanted to help me lose weight the “natural way.” All it did for me was create a rash on my bum and turn my pee green.

I became curious about what causes me to react so strongly against these products which are meant to be healthy. So I looked up on the Internet the elements that make up these magical potions. In avoiding the use of preservatives or man-made chemicals, they insert emollients to hold the substance together, and these are not necessarily healthy in themselves.

For instance, I discovered that mangoes are related to poison ivy. Unfortunately, uncovering this trifle of data now makes me itch whenever I get around the fruit, even in a grocery store.

You see, that’s another problem with an allergy. Even if you sprout a symptom, people who think they are perpetually healthy or the same type who believe their farts don’t smell, will ridicule you or tell you that it’s “all in your head.”

It reminds me of the man who kept telling everyone he was sick–until he finally died. Every time he complained they told him it was all in his head. When they did the autopsy they found a tumor in his brain.

They were right.

I think the least we can do is give folks a chance to believe they are actually suffering from some malady instead of merely seeking attention and asking for their itch to be scratched.

I don’t know if I have any permanent allergies. The last time I took penicillin I did break out in hives, so I do mention that. Pure aspirin sometimes does odd things to me.

But every once in a while I get one of those hives or skin rashes, and I know there’s some sort of imbalance or natural product I’ve stumbled upon, which has inserted the “oil of cactus” into its ingredients … to advertise its earth-friendliness.

 

Acetaminophen

by J. R. Practix

Acetaminophen: (n.) an analgesic drug used to treat headaches, arthritis, etc., and also to reduce fever, often as an alternative to aspirin. Proprietary names include Tylenol.

You’re not supposed to use a lot of aspirin. I didn’t know that. It makes your stomach bleed. Perhaps it’s an old wives’ tale, but they say that every aspirin causes your stomach to secrete one teaspoon of blood. Makes you wonder how many old wives died of blood seepage.

I learned this the hard way–not about old wives, but about aspirin.

I took three young men into my life who were in the middle of a custody battle with their abusive biological father. On one of his visitation weekends, he snatched the young men and hid them out like they were pretending to be the Hole in the Wall Gang.

I was distressed. I couldn’t sleep. The lack of sleep made me ache all over as I actively pursued finding my new young friends. I began to eat aspirin like they were popping out of a Pez dispenser.

About two weeks later, I was walking from my bathroom to my bedroom when the surroundings began to shake and shimmer like I was in an earthquake. I barely made it to my bed, to grab my mattress, before I fell to the ground.

Well, long story short, it turned out I had one of those stomach bleeds due to overuse of aspirin. It was not a sickness unto death–just one brought on by stupidity.

But since then, I have had to write on medical forms that I am allergic to aspirin, although I probably am not. Mostly, I discovered that I was allergic to stupidity.

Since then I have been taking acetaminophen for pain, weariness and aches. Honestly, I’m not so sure the product works as well as aspirin. I would refer to it as “aspirin light.” Or decaffeinated aspirin.

But it does help a little, and honestly, I was not particularly fond of my tummy bleed. So I will continue to take that product, even though, amazingly enough, it turns my poop green.

I do realize that at this point, that I have shared too much information. But if you don’t put personal notes into a blog every once in a while, it becomes stale and pedantic.

So hoping that you remember more about acetaminophen than my poop, I will close for now.