Tag Archives: confession

Chairperson

Chairperson: (n) a chairman or chairwoman (used as a neutral alternative).

Words often foretell the temperament of the people around us and what they are going to demand to appease their sense of self-righteousness.

For instance, if I go to church and hear someone proclaim themselves to be a “sinner saved by grace,” I know for certain they will want me to
confess myself a sinner and to seek the magnificent grace advertised.

Likewise, when I hear someone use the term “chairperson,” I know two things to be true:

  1. They are under the misguided notion that a committee can agree to do anything but produce more red tape.
  2. And since they are using the “neutral” form of the word instead of “chairman,” I can assume they’re going to be pretty pissy.

Red tape and pissy.

That is usually my cue to suddenly remember that I left my keys in the car, find them in my pocket, climb in, start it up and go home.

 

 

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Cab

j-r-practix-with-border-2

Cab: (n)  short for taxicab.

Even though we contend that honesty is the best policy, sometimes the dividends are questionable.

Often I will admit my weakness or even ignorance in an attempt to create empathy with an audience–only to have someone come up to me afterwards, shaking their head and saying, “You really feel that way?”

So with that in mind, with some trepidation, I offer the confession that I have only been in a taxicab four times.

I don’t live in New York City.

I have never been without some sort of vehicle for my own personal use.

So the idea of climbing into the back of a car and telling a driver where to take me, as a meter continues to remind me of how much I’m going to have to pay for the opportunity, is a little unnerving.

I also have this flaw of wanting to converse with everyone I meet. During my taxi drives, this became problematic. All four of my drivers were apparently advocates of maintaining their language of birth instead of pursuing the local dialect. So they did talk to me, and I tried to catch a word here or there, but I am sure I nodded my head at the wrong places and remained silent during awkward intervals.

I also remember that I was always surprised at how much it cost. Matter of fact, when I watch a TV show based in New York City and see them taking all those cabs, I always wonder how they can afford it–unless they don’t have an apartment and sleep in a box somewhere near a subway grate.

So it is difficult for me to talk about cabs.

Does it help that I like the game show where the driver asks the passengers questions– Cash Cab?

Pretty lame, huh?

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Body Language

Body language: (n) the process of communicating nonverbally through conscious or unconscious gestures

Dictionary B

Normally, if “body” has a language, it’s fussiness.

By the time our little ticks, twits and jerks become obvious to those around us, we have festered frustration for way too long.

We are intended to be heart creatures, where emotions crop up and we share them with the anticipation of salvaging the good, and having a hearty laugh over the rest.

Yet for those who are afraid to share their feelings, there is a soul. It also gives us a doorway to communication through confession. If we haven’t taken advantage of our heart, to be clean, we can confess our faults to one another and be healed.

But there are those who do not believe in the soul, and for them, there is the brain. So these folks can use the mind to stimulate discussion with others, introducing topics they may not want to confess, but can still garner food for thought.

But when we fail to share, confess or discuss, our inner grumbling comes out through our body language–as our skin literally crawls within the view of others.

  • If you can’t share, confess.
  • If you can’t confess, discuss.

But if you fail to stimulate the discussion, be prepared for your little twitches to be analyzed by the skeptics around you.

 

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Blew

Blew: (v) past tense of blow

Dictionary BThere is great human wisdom in refusing to allow others to rob us of our moment of honesty.

If they need to extract the truth from us, we will lose all the brownie points from uttering it.

If we’re at the mercy of the scrutiny of critics, we will suddenly find ourselves living in a society in which critics have as much prominence as those who create.

The most powerful statement I will ever make in my life is, “I blew it”–especially if I’m able to squeeze in that confession before others leap upon my carcass.

Matter of fact, let’s look at the conjugation of this process:

  • I blow things.
  • I blew this.
  • It is blown.

A delightful process.

First of all, to have the courtesy to warn people that we are capable of blowing it.

Then to inform the tourists that the journey will be interrupted by the fact that we blew it.

And finally, to have that intelligence to know that something is blown and beyond repair, instead of reaching for the duct tape.

It’s inevitable.

I will need to admit that I blew it so I will not continue to chase the tail of what ends up being a dead dog.

Therefore, be careful.

When you think something is going to be a breeze, you are more likely to “blow it.”

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Bill of Rights

Bill of Rights:(n) the first ten amendments to the US Constitution

Dictionary B

So you’re sittin’ around with your buddies and you’ve just written a Constitution for a new little country which you have dubbed “The United States of America.”

You have high hopes.

But honestly, taking a peek at history, the life expectancy of such a national prospect is very dim.

Meanwhile, you’ve gone to the pub to celebrate your endeavor, and while talking with your friends, it occurs to you that you left out guarantees for personal freedom.

You feel a little silly, right?

So almost immediately, you go in and amend your document by adding ten ideas which guarantee that no tyrant will ever again trample on the God-given personal pursuits of any individual citizen.

Man, it seems noble.

But moving ahead a couple hundred years, we have the situation where the prevention of one tyrant opens the door to over three hundred million of them, as each person determines the boundaries of his or her actions, based upon the Bill of Rights.

This places us in a powder keg of controversy, with each citizen fearing they are being set aside in favor of honoring the liberties of another.

What is missing from the Bill of Rights? Some old-fashioned, damn common sense.

For instance, freedom of speech sounds really good until you actually have to sit and listen to one which is completely filled with nonsense and vitriol.

The right to bear arms may have once been practical, when single shot muskets took a minute to load and had no potential for rapidly firing, killing dozens at a time.

It goes on and on.

Oh, wait. There’s the Fifth Amendment, which supposedly protects us against self-incrimination, while actually ending up being a confession in parenthesis.

Just as people who translate science and the Bible as being immutable and without need of edit, those who worship the Constitution and its amendments fail to realize that the Founding Fathers were really just a bunch of goofs who got tired of being pushed around by crazy King George.

What they wrote and believed is neither supreme nor self-contained.

It is up to the intelligence of each generation to find the common good of all the citizens without making it seem that America is a restaurant with only tables built for one

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Belch

Belch: (v) to emit gas noisily from the stomach through the mouth.Dictionary B

“Confession is good for the soul.”

This is a sentiment obviously spoken by a monk who lives on some desert island. Actually, confession is always painful because you may personally feel release, but you have also allowed others to draw conclusions which they may bring up to you later.

So I will say, with some trepidation, that I never learned how to belch at will.

When I was growing up, there were some very impressive young studs in our gym class who could perform mass burping to the amusement of the entire gathered horde.

I could never figure it out.

People explained it to me–something about swallowing air and then releasing it…

Well anyway, because I cannot perform this art of mass belching, I will occasionally get indigestion and be miserable, contorting my body into all sorts of positions to try to simply expel some gas. I have no problem with the back door distribution. It’s the front door that gives me fits.

So unlike others, who find belching to be extremely distasteful, generally speaking … it just causes this pilgrim to be green with envy.

 

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Abbreviate and Abbreviation

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abbreviate: v. to shorten a word, phrase or text. Abbreviation: n. the shortened form of a word, phrase or text

Short speech

Midgets and dwarves

Half the distance

Premature evaluation

Amputated proposals

Limited range

Reader’s Digest virgin

Cramped confession

Cut off at the past

Trim the lawn

Losing girth (Brooks) …

And the shortest distance between two pints is one quart.

Above is the abbreviated list of topics I was going to include in my essay. You may now put it together for yourself.