Tag Archives: defensive

Assistance

Assistance: (n) the action of helping someone

dictionary with letter A

There are many wrinkles that come with aging.

Some invade your face and others permeate your brain with wisdom, which allows you the intelligence to avoid extra work or embarrassing situations.

When I was younger I was convinced that my talents, abilities, personality and energy were of great assistance to anyone who was smart enough to employ them. Because I forced myself into situations, I also quickly proved that I was insufficient in areas where I had claimed quality.

This did not make me repentant, but rather, defensive.

Having blown out a few more birthday candles, I now realize that there are three ways to be of assistance.

  1. Do what you do and let people find out what you do, and then, if they feel the need to ask for what you do, let them do so.
  2. Quietly insert your gifts without blowing a trumpet, enhancing the project and having the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve contributed without requiring great applause.
  3. Stay the hell out of the way.

And of course, I must tell you:

The third option is much more necessary than the other two put together.

 

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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

Agape

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter AAgape: (n) Christian love, as distinct from erotic love

I was always told that “agape” was God’s love.

What would that be?

I suppose even if you were an atheist you might like to speculate on what style the mythical figure of God might have when it comes to expressing love.

Of course, it’s popular nowadays to present the love of God as “unconditional.” This might be the same reaction you would receive if you went to a convention of men and asked them if they believed in equal rights for women. The only acceptable answer would be a resounding, “Of course!”

But as often has been expressed through the cliché, “the proof is in the pudding,” it is not what we THINK about love, but how we express it in the moments that are inconvenient that demonstrates its true value. The truth is, no one truly loves me if they allow me to continue destructive behavior which limits my possibilities and jeopardizes my life span.

So does unconditional–or agape–love mean that God smiles on whatever we do and finds some way to adjust His philosophy and Kingdom to our whims? I don’t think even an atheist would contend that such a God would be able to maintain order in His universe under those specifications.

Agape love is set apart as important because it understands weakness, tenderly addresses it, challenges, but never leaves nor forsakes.

That IS quite miraculous.

Normally by the time we are angry at someone, we also have concluded that we are prepared to disassociate from them.

  • Unconditional love is not telling people they are fine the way they are.
  • Unconditional love is sharing your heart with people, expressing your concerns, but remaining.

If we truly taught agape affection, humanity could stop being so defensive, self-protecting, lying and cautious, and begin to believe that nothing can separate them from the tenderness of another.

So I make it clear to the people who I love that I will listen to their dreams and not allow them to stray too far from their aspirations without reminding them of their own hearts. Then, if they don’t want to listen to me, I will settle into a position of presence, without feeling the need to condone.

It IS possible. Until we define unconditional love, we will believe that every time we are challenged, it is rejection.

Rejection does not occur … unless someone stomps away in disapproval.

Affectionate

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

 

Affectionate: (adj.) readily feeling or showing fondness or tenderness: e.g. a happy and affectionate family.

You gotta BE there.

It’s true, you know. There are some things in life that cannot be viewed, read, perused, discussed, debated or downloaded.

Affection is one of them.

In a climate where “lukewarm” has begun to feel “heated,” we lack such closeness and intimacy that it has caused us to become defensive with one another because we privately feel cheated of the tenderness we need to satisfy our souls, yet at the same time we push away personal overtures from those who try to get too close too quickly.

A lady warned me the other day, saying, “Watch out! I’m a hugger.”

I do remember attending a rock concert many years ago where complete strangers–thousands of them–came up to each other, hugging in groups of five and ten without explanation or apology. Yet to promote such an idea in our day and age would be cynically mocked as a “hippie philosophy,” a throw-back to olden times or impractical due to the spread of disease.

This culminated for me when I saw churches offering hand sanitizer to folks after they had the “passing of the peace.” I wish I had a profanity to express how upsetting that is to me. And please, spare me the explanation on why it is needed. I am fed up with the notion of what is needful and anxious for the pursuit of what is helpful.

  • I need affection.
  • I need to be affectionate.

Now, it doesn’t have to always be demonstrative, but it does have to be spontaneous and real. It can be reaching across a table and cutting up the banana of a friend who is making you coffee, or coring an apple for another friend so she doesn’t have to deal with stems and seeds.

When you lose affection in a society, you promote the idea of isolation. Once humans are isolated, there’s only one thing that takes hold–survival.

Is it possible that in the next decade we will begin to treat each other–all the time–like we do when we’re in a traffic jam?

Abloom

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abloom: adj. covered in flowers.

I like flowers.

What I don’t like is pretending that I’m uninterested in flowers because if I stated in public that I was, I might be perceived as gay.

With all the necessary and valuable discussion going on about human relationships and civil rights–including equality for the gay community–it has heightened people’s defensive nature concerning what is gay and what is not.

So if you’re a guy, you can be nervous about going to a movie with another guy, feeling the need to worry about whether the appearance of two dudes together sends the signal that you’re sharing more than a bucket of popcorn. If you happen to be the kind of person who just enjoys good movies and doesn’t believe there’s any such thing as a “chick flick” or “macho films,” you can be seen as a borderline case–ready to jump into the rainbow coalition.

If you know your way around a kitchen and like to cook, you have to make sure that you have a beard, spiked hair and talk gruffly about things like motorcycles and football–or people might wonder if your delicacy is Twinkies.

It’s horrible.

I would love to walk outside and see a field abloom and be able to discuss the colorations and sheer utter magnitude of the vision without wondering if people thought I also had a poster of Judy Garland hanging in my boudoir. Is it going to be possible to actually become more open-minded, when we attribute certain levels of appreciation to a sexual preference instead of just plain human enjoyment?

  • Do I like Broadway musicals? Some of them.
  • Do I know how to decorate a room? Yes–even though I welcome other people’s opinions.
  • Can I say that the “fields are abloom” without people thinking that I am queenly? I fear not.

I will know we have grown as human beings when we talk more about human beings than we do about men, women, gay and straight. To me the whole thing is similar to our fourth grade obsession with cooties. Guys really liked girls but weren’t sure whether we were supposed to or not–and because of the eyeballing of our friends, we pretended that touching one of these females would cause multi-legged insects to infest our bodies. Let me be the first to say it: cuties don’t give you cooties.

And reporting that a field is abloom does not make you Anderson Cooper.

 

Abject

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abject: adj. 1. {of a situation or condition} extremely bad, unpleasant and degrading: abject poverty; {of an unhappy state of mind} experienced to the maximum degree: abject misery  2. {of a person or their behavior} completel without pride or dignity, self-abasing: an abject apology

You gotta watch out for that “Ject” family. They are really bad seed.

I guess RE Ject is the father of the mix, with OB Ject being the mother, creating the juvenile delinquent of AB Ject.

Yes, it is very important to remember that rejecting things sets in motion sensations which are very difficult to retrieve through a simple apology or by  sending a dozen roses. I think we have more success in ignoring human beings than in rejecting them–but there are always people who love to start a good war by inviting rejection into the conflict.

Then someone comes along an object. I don’t know if there is anything more useless than an objection to a rejection. I mean, after all–you’re in a defensive position, and the person or persons who have already decided to put you on the crap list are not going to be swayed by either your reasoning or your pleading.

This further stirs the pot.

So after reject has brought about an object, which is dejected (Wow! another family member!) you end up with an abject situation–which is completely without redemption.

Matter of fact, I find it very difficult to believe in any way, shape or form that God has rejected me simply because I’m a goofball. If I felt rejected by the Divine Nature, I would certainly have an objection to Him referring to Himself as Love.

He may disapprove. He may think that I am crazy or loony. But rejection would not be a good thing unless you are prepared for an objection which might lead to dejection–and then force me into abject stupidity.

That Ject family–you gotta watch out when they move in next door. The neighborhood goes to pot and the real estate values plummet.