Tag Archives: gray matter

Burp

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Burp: (n) a belch

The definition of crazy: believing what is in your head because it had the spunk to come to your mind.

If a persistent idea can survive some scrutiny, it should be granted merit. But if the notions floating in your gray matter cannot be confirmed by other independent gray matter, then you may need to have a full brain-flushing.

I bring this up because in the first couple decades of my life, I found it difficult to burp. People even tried to teach me how to do it at will (since it was a favored pastime of males age twelve to sixteen). I was never successful.

Now, I won a gold star at farting. It was the burping that escaped me. Often I found myself struggling with some gas and pain because I couldn’t be relieved through the burp.

It became an obsession with me. When other people heard a loud burp from an individual in a room, they would crinkle their faces and say “gross.” My thought was much different. In my brain, I mused, “God bless you, genius. Could you teach me to do that?”

It seems so silly.

But worst of all, when I did occasionally burp, it was so poorly performed. It was more like a silent hiccup that barely lifted my shoulders. That resounding, basal explosion of vibrating magnitude of sound totally and completely avoided me.

So I guess I have a different attitude toward burping. Although I do not hold to the Aramaic tradition of thinking that it’s a sign of expressing appreciation for a meal, I do think it is an art form–which will probably never receive its due.

You know.

Similar to poetry. 

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Anagram

dictionary with letter A

Anagram: (n) a word or name formed by rearranging the letters of another word, such as cinema, formed from iceman.

The reason I am reluctant to have anyone refer to me as “smart” is that it is so easy for me to come along and disprove their assertion.

It’s not that I want to be counted amongst the ignorant or ill-informed. I don’t wish to be perceived as a dolt, but by the same token, there is a great pending tragedy in allowing oneself to be considered hyper-intelligent.

There are things I do well. For instance:

  • I can write.
  • I can sing.
  • I can play piano.
  • I can compose.

But there are things that demand thinking, intellect and reasoning which for some reason, totally escape me and thrust me to the back of the pack–to the disappointed glances of those who were once my promoters.

So on those occasions when I’m watching television right before prime time, and Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune come on, back to back, I am always humbled by the fact that both of these shows make me feel like an alien to my own species.

Jeopardy!–because there are always questions they call “general knowledge,” which make me look like a major fool in a private arena for dunces.

Wheel of Fortune–because I get so nervous about solving the puzzles but never can beat the people on the show, and end up either making excuses or switching the channel to reruns of Law and Order.

Anagrams are that way with me. Some people can look at them and see words leaping out, forming themselves in mid-air. They have determined the hidden idea within the collection of letters–while I’m still waiting for a “vowel movement.”

I know it’s good to try to learn new things and increase one’s perspective and insight by collective experiences, but I think somewhere along the line you have to determine the aptitude of your own brain, the ability that exists in your gray matter and pursue those adventures with greater zeal–and allow the experts in other fields to surpass you, and hopefully teach and protect you.

It’s not shameful to be dumb sometimes.

The shame only comes when you insist that you really knew the answer … or “somebody cheated.”

 

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Affair

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter AAffair: (n) (1) an event or sequence of events of a specified kind: e.g. the board admitted responsibility for the affair. (2) a love affair: e.g. his wife is having an affair.

There are three human emotions that collide to form what we shall call pleasure.

  • Excitement
  • Uncertainty
  • And a bit of danger

I will say that people who become involved in affairs are merely attempting to bring that trio of experiences back into their lives, since the humdrum and mundane is suffocating them.

Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to counsel people who have come through the ordeal of one or the other of them having an affair, trying to restore the relationship. Most of those conversations revolved around guilt and resentment. Let me tell you–there is nothing that is more of a turn-off to the human spirit than guilt and resentment. So in a voracious attempt to restore normalcy and intimacy, people forget what caused the problem in the first place: lack of excitement, absence of uncertainty and removal of a little danger.

We just expect sex to do too much. After all, it is really only fleshly friction brought about by stimulation in the brain. If the gray matter is excited, uncertain and feels a little danger, it takes care of all the foreplay and places us on an erotic journey.

What eliminates that sensation is guilt and resentment.

So in the process of trying to overcome an affair, the three main questions that are frequently asked end up being counterproductive to solving the dilemma.

  1. Why did you do it?
  2. How could you have done this to me?
  3. 3. How do you expect me to forget this?

If the perpetrator could be honest, he or she would say, “I got excited, I was intrigued by the uncertainty and I was tempted by the danger.”

After that, it was all making arrangements and mechanics.

In many ways I think we put too much emphasis on human sexuality, and in other ways our lack of understanding of what stimulates it renders us silly, if not insipid.

Here’s the truth: if your brain is not being stimulated at four o’clock in the afternoon by intelligent conversation, flirting and admiration of your lover, don’t expect any “skyrockets in flight” at ten o’clock that evening.

And if you happen to work with someone who excites you, generates uncertainty and danger, don’t be shocked if you’re grabbed by the nose hairs and pulled toward unfaithfulness.

The best counsel I ever gave people was to let them know that the affair was not due to an absence in their relationship, but a presence that appeared, bringing excitement, uncertainty and a bit of danger, which had dissipated from their experience.

We are people who need to be excited, feel some uncertainty and tingle with a bit of danger.

Without this, we start trying to schedule our sexual escapades on a calendar … right next to “Buy Groceries.”

Ache

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Ache: 1.(n.) a continuous or prolonged dull pain in a part of one’s body 2. (v.) to feel an intense desire for: e.g. she ached for his touch.

What IS a dull pain?

Isn’t that an oxymoron?

I guess they call it “dull” to differentiate it from the concept of a sharp pain. But see, a sharp pain is something that comes quickly and then disappears for a while. A dull pain, by its very nature, hangs around, convincing you with each passing moment that it isn’t quite as uneducated and without influence as one might first believe.

You know what I’ve learned about pain? The closer it is to headquarters, the more it hurts. The headquarters, in this case, is the brain.

Since the brain REGISTERS all this crap, telling us exactly how miserable we are, if you only have to travel a few inches to get there, the level of misery is more intense. After all, isn’t a headache or toothache much more intolerable than a “big toe ache?” Any message from the big toe almost has to be telegraphed to the brain. After all, no big toe would have the Internet… By the time the telegraph gets all the way up to the brain, it kind of responds, “What’s the big deal? It’s a big TOE.” But when it’s a tooth or the head itself, special interest is given. The brain views it as a home invasion.

So even though we refer to “aching” as a dull pain, the intensity of the affliction is actually determined by how close it is to the gray matter. I guess the exception to that would be a heart attack. I suppose that’s because the heart and brain have a special friendship that we are not completely privy to.

So I think anybody who refers to an “ache” as a dull pain is someone who is presently not so afflicted. Aching, whether it be from love-sickness, a toothache or an irritated little toe on the left foot, is a fussy matter which does not want to go away, and only intensifies … the more we think about it.