Tag Archives: hat’s off

Decouple

Decouple: (v) to cause to become separated; uncouple

I am always ready to consider a new name for an old idea.

Sometimes it’s just healthy.

For instance, I wouldn’t mind if we changed the word “sin” to “oopser.” It’s cute and devoid of condemnation.

Lying certainly is in line to receive a new identity.

We’re already working on it with “misspoken” and “misheard.” But I think we can do better than that. Instead of referring to it as lying, we could just call it envisioning. There you go. That would feel so much better.

And since the words “break-up” and “divorce” can sound quite foul, especially in unfriendly company, it’s a damn good time to come up with “decouple.” And leave it to Hollywood to take the forefront on this ingenious evolution. Yes, young couples in Southern California now “decouple” instead of bust apart.

Actually, it has a bit of a seductive tone to it, which hangs in the air for a moment after it’s spoken, and we imagine people disengaging from one another—slowly separating their parts to individual identities.

“Decoupled” works.

We will do nearly anything to prove that we did not make a mistake.

And if we can cause a divorce to seem like the careful breaking apart of an Oreo, to share with a friend, then so much the better.

Yet, I don’t know if you can call exploding the romance between two people–which begins with them clawing at each other, then breathlessly panting on a bed–as a decoupling.

But hats off to those who wish to try.

There you go–maybe that would be a better phrase.

“My wife and I have decided from this point on, to be hats off.”

Bow Tie

Bow tie: (n) a necktie in the form of a bow or a knot with two loops.

I realize it is very intolerant to proclaim something ridiculous, assigning no redeeming qualities to it whatsoever.Dictionary B

Yet we all do it.

And in some cases it is applicable.

If you will allow me a brutish example, I think farting is an absolutely amazing experience, but should never be presented as a community blessing. In other words, it is perfectly all right if people object to farting in public, as long as they don’t insist that farts were meant to stay inside.

Likewise, I am certain there is a place for the bow tie. Matter of fact, we have given it a location of honor for formal events, weddings, and occasions where kings or queens may frequent.

But generally speaking, when in public–just as with the fart–it’s a good idea not to don one of these pieces of neckwear. There is a stigma associated on someone who wears one on a Tuesday afternoon in Schenectady.

I am not going to go into what some of the implications might be, or how this individual might be viewed by the general public, but let us say that it isn’t what you might call a classic turn-on.

For a very brief week or two, I thought bow-ties might be an interesting choice for me, as a fashion statement. But every time I looked in the mirror, the short little bloom around my neck made my fat face appear about three times bigger. I looked like a butcher asking if you wanted to pick up a good deal on cold cuts.

Of course, no one told me. The human race is notorious for informing us how nice we look and then whispering and giggling behind our backs.

Finally, a dear friend of mine, in a moment of clarity and sanity, stepped up and said, “Your bow tie makes you look like you’re wearing a tourniquet that’s swollen your face.”

She was right.

So to all of those who love the bow tie, hat’s off to you.  But for the record, maybe you should consider hats.

 

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Abbas

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAbbas: Ferhat (1899-1989) Algerian nationalist leader. He was president of the Algerian provisional government in 1958 and then president of the constituent assembly of independent Algeria from 1962-63.

Who cares? I mean, I’m just human. I read about this guy with the funny name and I thought to myself, “What difference does it make?”

Then, to promote a bit of humility, I looked ahead in the dictionary–checking for MY name–and upon discovering that it was absent, I realized that this fellow did something really remarkable. Even though he’s not internationally famous and his name is not spoken frequently in the household, he found a place for himself, made a difference, and to those around him, became important.

Who can ask for more than that?

I walked out of my house today, looked up into the trees and saw a bird. There was NOTHING distinguishable about this creature whatsoever. It was grayish-black, as bland as possible, just sitting up on a branch. But I realized that somewhere that bird is …well, Top Bird. Somewhere that bird has built a nest, goes out looking for worms for his or her little offspring, and in that particular venue, is King of the World.

We spend so much time criticizing ourselves for failing to achieve the top echelon of our goals instead of celebrating how far we have come in comparison to how crappy we COULD have been.

So this Abbas guy did a bunch of stuff in Algeria that made a difference. And he made the dictionary!  Hat’s off. Or if that’s inappropriate in his culture, hat’s on.

I was ashamed of myself for being indifferent to someone who made a difference and I decided to follow the philosophy of my little pal in the tree. First of all, the bird can fly. One up on me. The bird has a nest. The bird is out trying to find worms. The bird is … important in that environment.

So join me today in building your nest. Then go out and find your worm. And then, strut your bird. That’s right–be aware that even if you don’t make the dictionary, you still have done your part to define excellence.