College

College: (n) an educational institution or establishment

 

I never went to college.

I have used numerous excuses and lies to disguise this fact:

  1. “Well, the experience I’ve had is very similar to going to college.”
  2. “I took a few courses but never enough for graduation. Maybe I should check into that.”

Or the outright lie:

  1. “I am a graduate of Xavier University.”

(My thought? Most people would not know how to spell Xavier and would not pursue further.)

All through my twenties I felt like a dog without a collar. You know–a mutt rolling around the town, and everybody knows he doesn’t have a purpose or an owner
because he has no tags.

Yes, without college I felt a sense of self-discrimination. I was so convinced that people were looking down on me that I looked down on myself.

Then one day I simply asked my inner soul, do you wish you had gone to college?

I immediately realized that everything I had experienced would be gone in deference to the collegiate adventure.

That would include a wife, two kids, a music group, albums and writing a book. The case could be made that I would have eventually done these anyway–just with more book learning.

But one day–I guess I was about thirty-three years old–someone asked the question about college and I responded, “I never went.”

I really felt that the Earth moved beneath my feet–that the sky was falling in to trap me. But nothing actually happened. The person who inquired was a little surprised, since she felt I was very adept at what I was doing. But we were quickly on to talking about whether potato salad was better with mayonnaise or Miracle Whip.

You see, you don’t have to go to college for those kinds of discussions. Just have a heart, an idea you believe in and a willingness to be wrong.

I have found this to be the definition of higher education.

 

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Abet

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abet: v.  encourage or assist (someone) to do something wrong–in particular, to commit a crime or other offense.

I don’t think we appreciate enough how powerful it is to do things halfway. Matter of fact, I’ve heard people in casual conversation criticize or even put down that amount of concerted effort.

Isn’t doing things halfway at least acknowledging that something should be done?? Even though you ended up not buying enough gas for the trip or packing enough tuna salad sandwiches (with just enough Miracle Whip…)

So now that I know the definition of abet, I am going to make a commitment (halfway as it is) to merely AID without abetting.

I have been as guilty as the next one, to both aid and abet. That means I’ve been willing to assist in projects, but also use lies, deceit and various other forms of chicanery to cover up the true actions transpiring.

This dictionary definition has convicted me of all my abetting. I will no longer cover up–just offer assistance to my calamitous and often-comical stumbling brothers and sisters.

So if you plan on shooting your pet pig, and are making an exit out of town to escape the trailing  police force from PETA, you can feel free to stop off at my house, and I will give you a baloney sandwich–to go. But I have absolutely no intention, from this point on, of hiding you in my basement and pretending I know nothing about your hog slaughter.

Now, I realize that’s halfway. But it just seems cruel to remove abetting from people AND suddenly to yank aiding at the same time.

So you will continue to receive sympathy from me, but I will no longer participate in hiding you out in my closet, safe from those who come to track you down.

Well, I suppose if you were Anne Frank … you could still use my attic.