College

College: (n) an educational institution or establishment

 

I never went to college.

I have used numerous excuses and lies to disguise this fact:

  1. “Well, the experience I’ve had is very similar to going to college.”
  2. “I took a few courses but never enough for graduation. Maybe I should check into that.”

Or the outright lie:

  1. “I am a graduate of Xavier University.”

(My thought? Most people would not know how to spell Xavier and would not pursue further.)

All through my twenties I felt like a dog without a collar. You know–a mutt rolling around the town, and everybody knows he doesn’t have a purpose or an owner
because he has no tags.

Yes, without college I felt a sense of self-discrimination. I was so convinced that people were looking down on me that I looked down on myself.

Then one day I simply asked my inner soul, do you wish you had gone to college?

I immediately realized that everything I had experienced would be gone in deference to the collegiate adventure.

That would include a wife, two kids, a music group, albums and writing a book. The case could be made that I would have eventually done these anyway–just with more book learning.

But one day–I guess I was about thirty-three years old–someone asked the question about college and I responded, “I never went.”

I really felt that the Earth moved beneath my feet–that the sky was falling in to trap me. But nothing actually happened. The person who inquired was a little surprised, since she felt I was very adept at what I was doing. But we were quickly on to talking about whether potato salad was better with mayonnaise or Miracle Whip.

You see, you don’t have to go to college for those kinds of discussions. Just have a heart, an idea you believe in and a willingness to be wrong.

I have found this to be the definition of higher education.

 

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Absent-minded

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absent-minded: (adj.)  having or showing an habitually forgetful or inattentive disposition

I’ve misplaced my notes. I could have sworn I left them next to my wallet, which still may be possible because right now I can’t find my wallet. It is my style to leave my wallet on my nightstand next to my keys. But I just found my keys in the bathroom next to my razor, so I guess they are not near my wallet, unless my wallet is in there, too–which upon careful inspection, is …

Speaking of inspection, I think this year I have to have my van inspected for tags, even though I am not sure if the state of Florida demands that particular situation to acquire tags.

I was thinking about a tag I had on my window that my son and daughter-in-law purchased for me, to pay for tolls when you go through those easy tag places on the roads. It’s not on my window.

I was so glad the other day when I had a big pebble hit the front of my car off of one of those gravel trucks–you know what I mean?–it slammed against the glass and I thought, “Oh, no. I hope it doesn’t chip or leave one of those little stars on the windshield, it would have to be repaired.” But it didn’t–so I was relieved.

Speaking of relieved, it was really cool that the Louisville basketball team won, even though they lost one of their players because he broke his leg. I’ve never broken a leg, though I think I cracked a bone in my ankle once. Can you crack a bone? I never got it set or anything. Of course, now, with these emergency outposts in malls, you could get that kind of thing done quickly.

And on the subject of malls,  it’s been a while since I’ve been to one. You know what I find? The things I want are so specific that I don’t just go to shop around anymore. I just get them.

And back to getting, I need to find my notes. Where did I put them?

Well, there’s my wallet. Yep. There’s my notes. Right next to my wallet.

Let me see. Notes for absent-minded…

The phone is ringing. Perhaps another time.