Tag Archives: researchers

Bread

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Bread: (n) food made of flour, water, and yeast, mixed together and baked.

“Man shall not live by bread alone.”

No kidding.Dictionary B

The carbs will kill ya’.

Bread is part of the great American hypocrisy.

  • It is high in calories.
  • It is loaded with overwrought carbohydrates
  • And it is extremely tasty–especially when it’s soft and covered with buttery jellied substances, which are also silent killers.

So even though man cannot live by bread alone, it’s ridiculous to think that man can live without bread.

Would America survive without a sandwich?

Who would be prepared to have their Big Mac wrapped in organic lettuce leaves?

So we try to cut calories by slicing the bread thinner–and to some degree this works, because the concept of lean bread is better than the meanness of no bread.

But sooner or later we must come up with an answer that is functional to human beings, just as we are. Maybe we would like everyone to be slender and heathy, having just finished a great cardio, devouring a salad with low-fat dressing. But isn’t it time to realize that this will just never happen?

So instead, let’s kick out all those trainers and dietitians–and hire a bunch of researchers to come up with a bread … that won’t leave us dead.

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Ardent

dictionary with letter A

Ardent: (adj) enthusiastic or passionate.

“One man’s bratwurst is another man’s wiener.”

(I’m sure it’s a famous saying somewhere. For the sake of the essay, let us assume so.)

Also, I must tell you that one person’s “ardent” is another critic’s “fanatic.”

Passion is worthy of praise. To criticize all passion is to remove the energy that creates change.

So what is the difference between ardent and fanatic?

For instance, in the process of trying to generate political progress, we have diluted truths and valuable causes down to mere slogans and debate points.

In the quest for avoiding religion infringing on the rights of minorities, we have often crippled the legs of faith, which transforms lives.

I am an ardent believer, but I am not a fanatic. May I tell you the difference?

1. I use my beliefs to experiment on myself, not you.

I am not concerned whether you desire to follow my path. If you’re interested, come see. If you’re not, go look.

2. I want to use my beliefs to clarify what science and technology are discovering.

Science and faith are not at odds. They are fellow-researchers, working in the same laboratory, often greatly surprised at their similar findings.

3. And finally, I do not want my faith to be made of stone, but rather, of a material which allows the grace of stretching to cover a multitude of situations–even sins.

I have little concern about what the Law of Religion says. It is my job to find the mercy within its legislation.

Ardent is when we realize that what we pursue is for our benefit, not for constraints on others.

 

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Aerosol

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter AAerosol: (n) a substance enclosed under pressure and able to be released as a fine spray, typically by means of a propellant gas.

It was called Right Guard. It was a man’s deodorant.

So many of my buddies who played football with me sprayed the stuff in the locker room that I felt I could just walk through, flap my arms and meet my deodorant need–because even though you aimed it directly at your pit area, it sprayed in a three-foot circumference, creating a great “cloud of witness” and confirmation of your sweet odor.

Another nice thing is that because it was in a spray can–aerosol–you could aim it at nooks and crannies on your body which shall remain nameless for the sake of propriety.

At the tail end of my showering experience with members of my own gender, it was suddenly discovered that these aerosol cans were polluting the environment, and were perhaps even dangerous for us to inhale repeatedly, threatening lethal conclusions.

So another great pleasure of Americana was ripped away by researchers who think a white coat is stylish.

We started using roll-ons. Speed stick.

It may have been at that point that some of the backbone that is supposed to be fused into the male of our species was removed–because once you start putting on girly deodorant instead of walking around in a purple haze of Right Guard, you begin to deteriorate in your confidence to be a stud.

Of course, this is just a theory.

  • Maybe Richard Nixon wouldn’t have wimped out and lied about Watergate if he was still spraying his underarms.
  • Or maybe our football team would have actually had a winning season if we weren’t putting creamy stuff in our pit hair.
  • Maybe men would be able to communicate better with women if they felt that all their hidden parts  were being “Right Guard-ed.”
  • Maybe women wouldn’t be so dissatisfied with their lives with men if the bathroom had TWO deodorants instead of the couple sharing an “ice-blue Secret.”

I know it’s ridiculous–but it’s also absolutely frivolous and stupid to think that everything on earth does not have SOME mission to kill us, if misused.

For instance, give me a bathroom spray that explodes with a gas of beautiful odor instead of trickling out after I get done using the pot. I want the whole room to smell like flowers, so no one will exactly know what I did in there.

(I also like Right Guard because it’s the position I played on the team.)